January 27, 2004

AND NONE OF THAT LO-CAL EVIAN, EITHER

New York Metro reports:

Dude, where’s my French bottled water? It appears that man of the people Michael Moore has gone completely J.Lo on event organizers with pre-event demands. Before he’d agree to present an award for the best 30-second anti-Bush ad at a Manhattan MoveOn.org benefit earlier this month, Moore’s handlers insisted that he have a supply of Evian backstage. “Even Poland Spring wasn’t good enough,” says our inside source. “They called up to make sure he would have Evian.” If he starts demanding orange-blossom-scented candles next, we’re going to call for an intervention. (You’re a leftist, Michael. A leftist. Not a consumer.) Presenters without designer-water specifications included Julia Stiles, Moby, Janeane Garofalo, and Margaret Cho.

"Moore’s handlers". Brrrrrr. Add that to the list of the world’s worst jobs.

UPDATE:

If there’s one thing Moore wants to make clear, it’s that he is normal. A regular guy. The sort who might be picked for that “Average Joe” television show.

(Via reader Lisa F.)

Posted by Tim Blair at January 27, 2004 08:09 AM
Comments

This line is hilarious: '``She's great, and she's strong,'' added Munoz. ``And I think it helps that her sense of smell isn't very good.'' "

Posted by: Bill at January 27, 2004 at 08:21 AM

I would have thought he'd insist on bottled gravy.

Posted by: Angus Jung at January 27, 2004 at 09:47 AM

The bottled gravy sold out.

Posted by: Sam Kington at January 27, 2004 at 09:53 AM

Only if it's French bottled gravy.
Mr. Moore doesn't have a problem being a consumer - he just wants to be a strictly French consumer. He's probably been sustaining himself on Brie, pate and french bread for years.

Posted by: acassa at January 27, 2004 at 09:53 AM

"He's probably been sustaining himself on Brie, pate and french bread for years."

And by the look of this ugly bucket of lard, lots and lots and lots of the above for some considerable time!

Posted by: lawrie at January 27, 2004 at 10:13 AM

I figure he'd want that "Crystal Gravy" from the old SNL skit/advertisement. It was a mock on Pepsi Clear, and was it gross.

Posted by: JorgXMcKie at January 27, 2004 at 10:25 AM

"If there’s one thing Moore wants to make clear, it’s that he is normal. A regular guy. The sort who might be picked for that “Average Joe” television show."

Actually, if there were ever a guy who seemed designed by Science to star in "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance"...

Posted by: Ken Begg at January 27, 2004 at 10:26 AM

In the list of worst jobs, giving turkeys hand jobs would have to rate equal to being one of Moore's handlers. Same thing really.

Posted by: freddyboy at January 27, 2004 at 10:31 AM

The worst job is yet to come - being MM's aged carer and doing sponge baths and toilet "duties".

Hands up all self-loathing masochists with a fat fetish.

Posted by: Jake D at January 27, 2004 at 10:38 AM

I treasure Michael Moore. Only in a truly free society can you trash everything your country stands for and get rich doing so. The day he gets thrown in jail is the day I start worrying.

That being said, he *is* best treasured from a distance ... like the other side of the country.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at January 27, 2004 at 10:52 AM

The Polish water wasn't good enough? Let me guess, he thinks it's "fraudulent" bottled water.

I'm not the only one who thought "Moore's handlers" sounds similar to "elephant handlers", am I? Same skill set, I would presume.

Posted by: scott h. at January 27, 2004 at 11:23 AM

OT:

Truth in journalism ... not.

The SMH (page 9 today) says suicide bomber Jaradat mounted her attack three months after Israeli troops shot dead her favourite brother and her cousin outside the family home, and that they'd refused to let her father get treatment in Haifa.

They neglected to mention that the brother and cousin were "militants". Maybe "following in their footsteps" would be more accurate than "revenge".

Posted by: Andjam at January 27, 2004 at 11:28 AM

Fahrenheit 9-11. Dude, Where's My Country. He loves ripping off other people's titles. What next, the Bible by Michael Moore?

Posted by: ilibcc at January 27, 2004 at 11:30 AM

If you ask me, an even worse job has to be retrieving lobsters from Jayne Mansfield's bum.

Posted by: David Gillies at January 27, 2004 at 11:57 AM

"The worst job is yet to come - being MM's aged carer and doing sponge baths and toilet "duties". "

You have no idea how grateful I am that you have left me with that image. [shudder]

Posted by: Ross at January 27, 2004 at 12:25 PM

Evian --- isn't that an elephant douche?

Posted by: Bill at January 27, 2004 at 01:19 PM

Sorry Ross, hope you weren't eating.

Posted by: Jake D at January 27, 2004 at 01:21 PM

Well someone's got to scoop out the turkey butter that accumulates deep in the crevasses of Moore's fat rolls. A job's a job, and Moore can't do it himself.

Posted by: Donnah at January 27, 2004 at 02:21 PM

He accuses the Bush administration of exaggerating the danger [of terrorism] to frighten voters into giving the president another term

Any question that beyond just being a fat hypocrite....the guy is dangerous.

Posted by: Wallace at January 27, 2004 at 02:24 PM

Michael Moore is fat. Teehee! I'm so funny.

Posted by: Robert at January 27, 2004 at 02:30 PM

Still pissed that no-one bought your "conradiction" crap Robbie?

Posted by: Jake D at January 27, 2004 at 02:46 PM

lets try "contradiction". I still spell worse than a Cuban Professor.

Posted by: Jake D at January 27, 2004 at 02:48 PM

"Michael Moore is fat. Teehee! I'm so funny."

Not unless you start putting more thought into it than that, you're not. Come on now.

Posted by: Angus Jung at January 27, 2004 at 03:06 PM

Angus, Robbie's a pissed-off lefty with contradiction issues and admiting when he's wrong too for that matter.

Posted by: Jake D at January 27, 2004 at 03:18 PM

Funny how lefties NEVER admit they are wrong but want the rest of the world to apologise for EVERYTHING.

Posted by: ilibcc at January 27, 2004 at 03:35 PM

Let him drink Outhouse Springs!
http://www.outhousesprings.com/

Posted by: Timothy Lang at January 27, 2004 at 04:31 PM

The Polish water wasn't good enough? Let me guess, he thinks it's "fraudulent" bottled water.

Or perhaps, "fictitious."

Posted by: Big Dog at January 27, 2004 at 04:55 PM

"Evian" spelled backwards is "Naive". Surely this has no deep sigificance, but it kind of amuses me.

Posted by: EvilPundit at January 27, 2004 at 04:55 PM

Ze French water eez definitely ze best.

Posted by: Jean-Luc Bidet at January 27, 2004 at 05:17 PM

He's fun to mock because he's a hypocrite. The fat part is just icing. If he were just fat, it wouldn't be funny. (The smelly part probably would, though)

Pretty much the same applies to Rush Limbaugh...

Posted by: Jeremy at January 27, 2004 at 08:38 PM

I entertain the tinfoil hat theory that Moore and Rush are the same fat crazy man who drinks a serum to flip-flop his ability to pander to political extremes for burger (and oxycontin) money.

Posted by: Sortelli at January 27, 2004 at 09:52 PM

Not the first time he's exhibited diva tendencies:

"the London Evening Standard says he was irritated to be paid as little as £500 for each gig.

The Standard quotes "a source" saying Moore threw a temper tantrum on the penultimate night. "He completely lost the plot," says the unnamed member of staff. "He stormed around all day screaming at everybody, even the £5-an-hour bar staff, telling us how we were all conmen and useless. Then he went on stage and did it in public." Enraged staff, the Standard continues, refused to work on Moore's final night until the comic apologised, delaying the start for over an hour. After the last show, Moore apparently left the venue in high dudgeon."

http://film.guardian.co.uk/news/story/0,12589,870162,00.html

Posted by: Scott Burgess (The Daily Ablution) at January 27, 2004 at 10:17 PM

On a more positive, turkey-diddler will obviously be the perfect job for Wacko Jacko once (if ever) he gets out of custody. It's not like his performing career was going anywhere...

Posted by: Annalucia at January 27, 2004 at 10:24 PM


Speaking of hypocrisy, I'm really pulling for Kerry to get the nomination, so I can point out to my lefty friends that the election will be a choice between a wealthy, Yale-educated member of Skull & Bones, and George Bush.

Posted by: Dave S. at January 28, 2004 at 02:21 AM

Gosh if you guys like Michael Moore fat jokes ... http://www.indcjournal.com/archives/000008.html

Posted by: Bill at January 28, 2004 at 06:09 AM