January 18, 2004
KERRY, CLARK, DEAN, AND OTHER VEGETABLES
Dave Barry asks:
Does the vegan diet kill brain cells, as evidenced by the fact that it causes people to stand outside in the freezing cold dressed as giant vegetables?
The answer is yes. Barry also has all you need to know about the current state of affairs Democrat-wise:
The big news was that John Edwards, who had been stagnant, was surging, while at the same time John Kerry -- who had faltered early in the race, then surged, then re-faltered -- was now surging AGAIN.
This bodes badly for Howard Dean, who used to be the Lone Surger out here, as well as traditional Iowa-caucus winner Dick Gephardt, who has, frankly, been unable to surge. He is surge-impaired, and he badly needs surgification in Iowa if he is to survive New Hampshire, where, word has it, Wesley Clark, who had been faltering, is now surging like a madman. He's the Surgin' General.
Which ties with Mark Steyn’s Mad How for the best line from the Iowa caucuses. And here’s Barry on blogs:
Posted by Tim Blair at January 18, 2004 04:00 PMMiami Herald columnist Dave Barry, in Iowa covering the lighter side of campaigns, said the public should treat blogs as skeptically as they do mainstream media. "There are lunatics who are out there running blogs, and there are lunatics who work in the print media," he said. "It all sorts itself out."
It doesn't MATTER if the vegan diet kills brain cells, because the vegan diet is ethical, and that's what makes it healthy! Vegan is an ancient latin word for "healthy", and meat is full of toxins that will kill you, which is why we are all doomed to die because our own bodies are made of toxic meat. The only solution is to stop eating that toxic stuff. It is a well-established fact that meat was invented by right-wingers to oppress the animals. Look it up on the internet. Keeping livestock is inefficient and cruel, because we could be feeding all their hay to people in Africa. But if you must eat toxic flesh for some silly reason like survival, be sure to eat aborted fetuses, because vegans...SOMEHOW...don't have a consensus on whether a mother's choice outweighs the life of a fetus. Ask Kucinich!
Posted by: Sortelli at January 18, 2004 at 04:24 PMAlthough I think deranged misanthrope has more of a ring to it.
On the subject of vegans, ever heard the saying you are what you eat? Res ipsa loquitur.
Posted by: Habib at January 18, 2004 at 04:44 PMWait, so vegans actually eat malnourished, mentally unstable people?
Posted by: Sortelli at January 18, 2004 at 05:06 PMSNOWED-IN POLITICAL RALLY SAVED BY GIANT VEGGIES
Presidential hopeful Howard Dean and 63 potential supporters were saved from certain death today after a freak Iowa avalanche buried them under 100 tons of snow.
The survivors, trapped in an air pocket formed by the formidible buildings designed to withstand mid-america tornadoes, subsisted for their week under-snow with carrot and corn dishes, thanks to two giant vegetebles growing just outside the building.
Asked how it felt to eat carrots and corn for a week, candidate Dean said, "It wasn't too bad. Tastes like chicken."
Posted by: Timothy Lang at January 18, 2004 at 05:07 PMHeh. If you haven't encountered Dave Barry before, dig through his old columns.
Posted by: rosignol at January 18, 2004 at 05:39 PMI realize this is off-topic, but I wanted you to read it, so i posted it on your most recent post.
Since Michael Jackson has joined the Moonbat Pedophile Religion of Piece of Young Boys Ass, I would present the following:
The unofficial first draft of Beat It, by Michael Jackson:
(sung to the tune of Michael Jackson's "Beat It;"
"How come you're such a horny young man?
Everyone can see your dick is in your hand,
well, how you keep it up, I just don't understand;
You Beat It, Just Beat It."
"Everybody wonders why your wrist is so loose,
you say your double-jointed but that's no excuse,
I don't know how your dick can sustain all this abuse; you Beat It, Just Beat It."
Read it on LGF, read it here... Hell, you could sing it to me on the schoolyard and... it still wouldn't be funny.
Posted by: Sortelli at January 18, 2004 at 08:50 PMSomewhere, Weird Al Yankovic is prematurely rolling in his grave.
Posted by: dzd at January 18, 2004 at 11:35 PMA couple of recent (relatively) bumper stickers on the matter:
1) "If God Didn't Want Us to Eat Animals, Why Did He Make Them Out of Meat?"
2) "I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian"
Posted by: Jerry at January 19, 2004 at 06:09 AMWhy are vegetables so hard to cook?
Ever see a microwave with wheelchair access?
Posted by: Habib at January 19, 2004 at 10:19 AM> Vegan is an ancient latin word for "healthy" ...
Interesting. Could you direct me to a source to verify this? Given that Spanish is a language derived from Latin, does this mean Las Vegas originally meant "The Healthy [Female] Ones"?
Posted by: Uncle Milk at January 19, 2004 at 10:35 AMSortelli was being sarcastic. In any case, "las vegas" means "the fertile valleys" in Spanish. (I can only assume that compared to the rest of Nevada that area is indeed a fertile valley, but I've never been there so you tell me.)
Posted by: Andrea Harris at January 19, 2004 at 11:25 AMI live in Las Vegas. If by fertile, you mean 'sand and scrub brush covered wasteland that people built a lot of casinos on', then yes, it's amazingly fertile.
Well, at least it *is* a valley, anyway.
Posted by: Hermit Dave at January 19, 2004 at 12:05 PMUncle Milk: If you insist, I will create a geocities page that says VEGAN=HEALTHY and post the link here...
Posted by: Sortelli at January 19, 2004 at 11:35 PMEinstein Pythagoras etc Edwin Moses Carl when he set record hippos elephants rhinos giraffes better faster stronger fruits nuts lots of quality fat protein sugar brain food veggie parrots are smarter than raptors Hillary should be President VOTE HILLARY marry me Chelsea GO CHELSEA GO word Kristaps
Posted by: Kristaps at January 23, 2004 at 08:46 AM