Tim Blair

QUOTES OF 2003 - OCTOBER

• "Mary, help!" --General Wesley Clark

• "In front of us right now is the greatest leader Australia has ever had and the greatest leader in the world." -- Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, on John Howard

• "Do you have a favorite store in Kabul? Maybe the best prices, range or service. Let us know & we will let others know as well!" -- Kabul’s ARMAN FM

• "Herald staff shall avoid any prominent activity in partisan public causes that compromises, or appears to compromise, the journalist or the newspaper." -- the Sydney Morning Herald’s code of ethics, apparently unread by Margo Kingston

• "All eyes were on the newest runner - former general Wesley Clark. Anticipation mounted. And a few moments into the general's speech there was an almost audible sigh of relief from the hundreds of party faithful in the audience. That sigh said one thing - here was a man who could indeed beat Mr Bush in the presidential race." -- the BBC’s Jonathan Marcus, detecting inaudible voting signals

• "We'll get the bastards who did this." -- John Howard, to Phil Burchett, stepfather of Bali bombing victim Jared Gane

• "Instead of rounding up suspicious Arabs, why don't we say, 'Oh my God, a multi-millionaire killed 3,000 people! Round up the multi-millionaires! Throw them all in jail! No charges! No trials! Deport the millionaires!!'" -- millionaire Michael Moore

• "I am also sure that upon hearing the news, Al Franken spronged sufficient wood to knock the table over." -- James Lileks, on Franken's likely response to Rush Limbaugh's drug hobby

• "Cancun. The World Trade Organisation. Free trade. It's too hard. That's how the big players like it - too complex for us poor sods who have to wear the pain and surrender our democratic rights in its service and so secretive we're don't get the chance to work it out even we we wanted to." -- Margo Kingston

• "Five thousand years ago, Moses said, 'Hitch up your camel. Pick up your shovel. Mount your ass. I will lead you to the promised land.'" -- ancient joke John Kerry revives an ancient joke

• "Yes, Hussein was a monster, but ..." -- Phillip Adams

• "WEll it just shows how ridiculously stupid americans are it bad enough chosing a retarted president who is a pupet but now they go a chose a movie star when will that country learn and then they wonder why the world hates them???" -- Peter Pritchard, in the SMH’s online forum

• "Schwarzenegger, who, like Hitler, is a native of Austria ..." -- CNN

• "Women supported him, which is amazing." -- University of California professor Elizabeth Garrett analyses Arnie’s vote

• "The excuse used by Bush, Blair and Howard to invade Iraq was the imminent threat posed by Hussein's weapons of mass destruction. This claim now appears to have been untrue." -- The Age’s Kenneth Davidson, whose claim about the claim is untrue

• "Listen, friends, you have to face the truth: you are never going to be rich. The chance of that happening is about one in a million." -- Michael Moore

• "Americans are stupid and uninformed. This is very important because in order to win we must understand the way the average American thinks. I'm afraid WE have nothing in common with them." -- poster at Democratic Underground

• "CNN? Oh, that's that network with Larry King, who, like the Son of Sam, is a native of Brooklyn. Used to be owned by Ted Turner, who, like the Cincinnati Strangler, is a native of Cincinnati. Now part of Time Warner, founded by the Warner Brothers, the oldest of whom, Harry Warner, like many Auschwitz guards, was a native of Poland." -- Mark Steyn

• "A died in the wool left-winger". -- The Age farewells dyed in the wool lefty Jim Cairns

• "It seems to me that most of the response is essentially media and Government-generated hype. An example of collective self-indulgent narcissism." -- Age letter-writer John Forth, on the anniversary of the Bali attacks

• "The Australian Government's enthusiasm for al-Ghozi's death bordered on the ghoulish." -- the ABC’s Greg Jennett is offended at reaction to a terrorist’s offing

• "He is obviously well enough to keep fighting the good fight." -- the ABC’s Peter Cave reassures listeners about Yasser Arafat’s health

• "This government frightens and outrages me. I smell Nazism every day." -- Webdiary reader K.E., in an email to Margo Kingston

• "Next year I'm publishing a collection of essays, columns and cartoons about the Bush Administration. I'm entertaining several possible titles, but to tell the truth I'm none too thrilled about them. That's why I'm turning to you for help." -- Ted Rall. Among reader suggestions:

Point and Laugh: The Fine Art of Making Fun of Widows
BUSH STOLE THE ELECTION: and Karl Rove Keeps Moving My Furniture While I'm Away
Scribbly Scribbles and the Scribbling Scribblers Who Scribble Them
Daddy? Where Did You Go, Daddy? How the Trauma of Parental Abandonment Robbed Me of the Ability to Draw Faces, Hands, and Pretty Much Anything Else
Everybody Dies: So Shove Your Grief Up Your Ass, I'm Making Money and Screwing Hairy Uptown Chicks
The Pleasure of My Company: A Fantasy by Ted Rall

• "Those 'amendments' did not originate with me, and I should not be credited with them." -- James Randi, after his friend Phillip Adams had credited them to him

• "Well, it must be his charisma. He married well, and he's smart." -- George W. Bush explains John Howard’s popularity

• "They invented and successfully promoted socialism, communism, human rights and democracy so that persecuting them would appear to be wrong, so they may enjoy equal rights with others." -- Malaysian Prime MinisterMahathir Mohamad, on those wily Jews

• "I'll be speaking and signing books at next week's Vegas Valley Book Festival in Henderson, NV, a stone's throw from Sin Strip." -- Ted Rall. Observed reader Scott H.: "He seems to be mixing up 'Sin City' and 'The Strip' into some mutant hybrid. Can't wait for his trip to New York: 'The Apple that Never Sleeps'."

• "They're creating a world in which they wield absolute power. In America, George's thugs are making sure of that by rigging the voting system with the help of his big corporate mates." -- Margo Kingston

• "We have got to free our minds to use the brains." -- Margo Kingston

Posted by Tim Blair at December 24, 2003 02:03 PM