December 18, 2003

ASSISTANCE OFFERED

Attention, leftists! Janet Daley has compiled a helpful guide to assist your bitching and moaning no matter what good news emerges from the capture of the Cow of Ad Dawr:

What To Say If:

• Saddam refuses to co-operate with his interrogators.

The arrest of this man is a sideshow. He clearly knows nothing about the current state of resistance and has played no role in the planning of insurgency. His trial will simply be an exercise in vengeance with no constructive outcome for Iraq.

• Saddam sings like a canary, identifying the perpetrators of insurgency.

Saddam is obviously being tortured by his American captors. Or else, they are lying about his testimony and justifying their own persecution of innocent Iraqis on the basis of his alleged "confession".

• Saddam admits to having had weapons of mass destruction all along and gives a detailed account of a) where they can be found, b) how and when he destroyed them.

If a) then switch the focus immediately to the role that America (with particular reference to Donald Rumsfeld personally) played in the past in allowing Saddam to develop these arms. Avoid if possible any tactless references to the much more recent contributions of our European partners in building Saddam's armoury. If b), float the idea that Saddam is lying - simply telling his captors what it would suit their political purposes to hear, in the hopes of cutting a deal for himself.

• If Saddam's trial is conducted by Iraq without outside interference.

This is nothing more than a kangaroo court: a lynch mob bent on tribal vendetta, licensed and abetted by America, which has, typically, waged an irresponsible war and then walked away, washing its hands of the consequences.

There’s more. Print out the whole list and tick off the talking points as they appear in various op-ed pages. Leftist spin is so predictable that, to use a cricket term, you can detect it out of the hand. I'm waiting for the first pundit to accuse the US of treating Saddam like a plastic cow.

Posted by Tim Blair at December 18, 2003 01:11 PM
Comments

If Saddam is to being treated like a cow, does that mean once he is exectuded humanely,will he be chopped up (including offal), minced, cooked and served at Macdonalds?

And will he be halal?

Lokks like one for Ask The Imam

Posted by: Habib at December 18, 2003 at 01:43 PM

Geez. I guess my lunch* at McDonald's today will be my last meal there. Ew.

*lunch!

Posted by: Andrea Harris at December 18, 2003 at 01:56 PM

Jeez, I just read Martino's quotes from the link. What a revolting person. Pitying Saddam's destruction. A classic "sure hes bad, but".

No wonder I stopped going to mass.

Posted by: Pedro at December 18, 2003 at 02:05 PM

Would the Phil Adams,
Please stand up,
Please stand up!

Whatever happens the US remains the Great Satan and we're his deputy/arse lickers etc. Fuck the lefties, it's not as if they do much more than moan anyway.

Posted by: Jake D at December 18, 2003 at 02:11 PM

The list is good, but misses out on one thing:

What to say if Saddam Hussein is tried and found guilty and sentenced to death.

  • Sure, Saddam Hussein was a brutal dictator, but by sentencing him to death, how are we any better? There is another way: the way of forgiveness and reconciliation. Saddam Hussein is a poor, suffering human being, like the rest of us, and an execution would demean us all.
  • Posted by: TimT at December 18, 2003 at 02:44 PM

    Killing a murderer puts us on the murderer’s level. Ergo: Imprisoning a kidnapper puts us on the kidnapper’s level. Fining a thief puts us on the thief’s level. Tailing a stalker puts us on the stalker’s level.

    Posted by: ForNow at December 18, 2003 at 03:02 PM

    What about raping a rapist?
    Refer all matters to Kirby J.

    Posted by: Habib at December 18, 2003 at 03:06 PM

    Cruel & unusual. Who is Kirby J.?

    Posted by: ForNow at December 18, 2003 at 03:14 PM

    That's Justice Michael Kirby, Australian High Court Judge, and official loudmouth, with an opinion on anything and everything that does or does not concern him in any way.

    Posted by: TimT at December 18, 2003 at 03:27 PM

    Hi.

    * If Saddam is executed, spin thus: "Killing a murderer puts us on the murderer's level."

    However you always need matching bullets, with pre-set spin to cover every contingency.

    * If Saddam is not executed [I will go into shock, and]: it proves the Americans are so scared about what he could have revealed on Haliburton, CIA support for him and so on that they had no choice but to cut him a deal. The softer the treatment, the greater the moral turpitude the Americans must be guilty of.

    Posted by: David Blue at December 18, 2003 at 04:40 PM

    Attention, leftists!

    Hello!

    Saddam admits to having had weapons of mass destruction all along and gives a detailed account of a) where they can be found, b) how and when he destroyed them.

    I, for one, would welcome such an admission. For this was the main reason, if not the reason, for invading Iraq - to locate and eliminate WMDs, thus making the world a safer place. A lofty ambition, to be sure, and not one to be sneered at. After all, if someone had had the foresight to do this to North Korea years ago, we wouldn't have to put up with their threat every second month to turn Seoul into a sea of fire.

    If a) then switch the focus immediately to the role that America (with particular reference to Donald Rumsfeld personally) played blah blah blah

    Huh? Crazy talk.


    Posted by: Joe at December 18, 2003 at 05:25 PM

    That's Justice Kirby, a gay High Court Judge of Australia who was the victim of a conspiracy to besmirch his reputation when an MP said in parliament that he had trawled for male prostitutes using a government car.

    The MP later apologised unreservedly, and Kirby gracefully accepted his apology.

    Posted by: William at December 18, 2003 at 10:11 PM

    And if someone asks you why the killing in Iraq hasn't stopped now the most evil man alive has been captured, at a cost of over $90,000,000,000.

    Tell them, but oh Mike Moore is a fatty.

    And when they ask you how much safer you feel tonight knowing Saddam is behind solid USA steel.

    Tell them, 100%. The world is now a safe place.
    Explain that you did feel about 80% safe when it was all up to those fly-paper kiddies to attract terrorism. But now the head honcho of world terror, imminent threats and main stockist of WMD is captured everyone sleeps safe tonight.

    Posted by: Sincerity Slips at December 18, 2003 at 10:35 PM

    It would be uncouth to execute Hussein,
    It would show we are all insane;
    I'd much rather go to a demolition derby,
    With High Court Justice Michael Kirby.

    Saddam might have killed lots of Kurds,
    but no-one knows them in the 'burbs;
    Dissedents may have been flayed,
    No reason for his rights to be waived;

    Was he given the rights of Miranda,
    When the troops in his hole did gander,
    Was he asked to give up his gun,
    Spoiling all the trooper's fun?

    But justice must give us some pause,
    Will he escape on a legal clause?
    Then it will need remedial action,
    From Dirty Harry's 44 Magnum.

    Posted by: Habib at December 19, 2003 at 12:26 AM

    I was disappointed in Daley's article. I wanted some guidance on what happens if Osama is caught. I figure you have a choice:

    1) Osama's caught, War on Terror's over, everybody go home now.

    2) Osama's just one man, and his capture means nothing. Neither will Zawahiri's. In fact, the more jihadis you capture or kill, the stronger they become. When the last jihadi is killed, the terrorists have won! (As I think someone here pointed out the other day.)

    Posted by: Angie Schultz at December 19, 2003 at 04:07 AM

    I think someone just told Slippery Slit (or whatever its name is) that there is no Santa Claus.

    Posted by: Andrea Harris at December 19, 2003 at 09:35 AM

    In one Andrea!
    The penny dropped when I heard Santa had been killing time between gigs in a bunker dismantling the entire stock of WMD that Iraq had gathered without the assistance or consent of the USA.


    Posted by: Sincerity Slips at December 19, 2003 at 01:57 PM