December 05, 2003


The Literary Review Bad Sex prize for 2003 goes to Wendy Perriam:

This year's winner includes the lines "Weirdly, he was clad in pin-stripes at the same time as being naked. Pin-stripes were erotic, the uniform of fathers, two-dimensional fathers. Even Mr Hughes's penis had a seductive pin-striped foreskin."

"Coming a close second" was Nicolas Coleridge for a passage in his novel Godchildren, in which he describes a man stroking his lover "like a groom reassuring a frightened foal".

Check out the other finalists.

(Via Andrew Ian Dodge.)

UPDATE. Curse you, Andrew Ian Dodge! That was last year’s prize! This year’s is here. (Thanks to Combustible Boy for the alert.)

Posted by Tim Blair at December 5, 2003 01:48 AM

Actually, that was last year's winner. (Check the date on the article.) This is this year's winner...

Posted by: Combustible Boy at December 5, 2003 at 03:19 AM

I like the Chinese one - now that's good smut!

Wild Ginger by Anchee Min (The Women's Press)

We were breathless. He insisted we continue reciting. I tasted his sweat as I went on. '"It is characteristic of the situation today that the East Wind is prevailing over the West Wind. That is to say, the forces of socialism have become overwhelmingly superior to the forces of imperialism. . . "'

Our bodies came together again. . .

He groaned, 'Oh! Chairman Mao!'

Posted by: Keith at December 5, 2003 at 05:54 AM

Oh. My. God.

I mean, the entire excerpt is - shockingly terrible writing - Here I am trying to get my writing published and drivel like: "You can see the dark hair sticking to them inside. There's a design as well. You gasp." is out and about on book shelves. God, that makes me cringe. And then the coup de grace in the next sentence..."a designer pussy"... I just have no words.

Posted by: red at December 5, 2003 at 08:18 AM

"Designer Pussy" would make a great name for a rock band.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at December 5, 2003 at 11:03 AM


then herringbone

Posted by: pooh at December 5, 2003 at 03:41 PM

red - I know what you mean - I haven't never read such bad use of proper English - Even Vietnamese whores have a better grasp on the English language - I mean - at least "love you long time" makes sense.

Posted by: Bobbay at December 5, 2003 at 11:05 PM