November 29, 2003


Kim Beazley

Jenny Macklin, Julia Gillard or Carmen Lawrence

Robert Mugabe

Mark Latham

Ali Cetin

Kevin Rudd

Posted by Tim Blair at November 29, 2003 12:14 AM

Kev Kavana!

Posted by: Richard at November 29, 2003 at 01:06 AM

Kermit the Frog

Posted by: Matt at November 29, 2003 at 03:22 AM

Carmen Lawrence for leader with Mugabe as deputy - the dream team !

Posted by: jafa at November 29, 2003 at 03:53 AM

I think 'Crock of Tim' should lead them. His er unique ability to illuminate an argument will surely sweep Labor back into office.

Posted by: Ross at November 29, 2003 at 04:40 AM

I think the labor party needs the talents of Steve Waugh. Not as leader - but to take a good length of willow to each and every one of em after this latest fiasco.....

Posted by: Rob at November 29, 2003 at 05:46 AM

I think Labour should consider reanimating Gough Whitlam for the party head. I reanimated Gough might show more promise then these duds.

Posted by: swassociates at November 29, 2003 at 06:13 AM

Phat phart Phil and his best mate Margo. Now there's a "dream" team.

Posted by: Kate at November 29, 2003 at 06:29 AM

An inanimate carbon rod!

Posted by: Quentin George at November 29, 2003 at 07:30 AM

Kev Kavana? who is he
I would vote for Kev Kavanagh, meat artist, Butcher Laureate, international meat fashion designer and meaty author.

Posted by: Simon at November 29, 2003 at 10:05 AM

I hear Iain Duncan Smith is looking for a job...

Posted by: TimT at November 29, 2003 at 10:07 AM

You forgot Sideshow Bob.

PS: Crock of Tim IS Mark Latham, so already nominated. Note the similarity of language.

Posted by: Freddyboy at November 29, 2003 at 10:30 AM

Well lets face it, all of the candidates look pretty ratshit. It's time to start looking outside of the box. There's at least one Queensland cop who is probaly going to be looking for a new job pretty soon.

Posted by: gaz at November 29, 2003 at 11:05 AM

Who the fuck cares what Tim and his fucking brown shirt yob mates think. You don't fucking vote for Labor, so who the fuck cares who the fuck you don't like as the fucking Labor leader. Get the fuck out of Dodge and go mind your own fucking business by pissing in someone else's fucking pocket. Fuck off Tim, Fuck off Andrea, Fuck off Shitville and all the fucking creepy fuckhead right wing wacko fucks who worship the fuck head Tim Blair.

Posted by: crock of tim at November 29, 2003 at 12:27 PM

Robert Mugabe would certainly be a good start, with Malcolm Fraser as a senior aid, filling the gap left by the death of the Rev. Canaan Banana. Bob M. would greatly raise Labour's intellectual standards, as well as improving the honesty and transparency of its electoral practices. For other shadow positions, Margo, Carmen Lawrence, The Imam, John Pilger, Robert Manne and Hugh MacKay. Between them they show the mind of progressive Australia at its finest.

Posted by: Hal at November 29, 2003 at 12:50 PM

Crock of Tim, is your "f" key cracked yet? I picture you stabbing at it ferociously to punctuate each "fuck." Each time you stab it, loose m&m's vibrate on your desk. Now and then your Winger poster slips off its nail.

Posted by: Joe Geoghegan at November 29, 2003 at 01:25 PM

Bobby Mugabe's good: "They tell me he's (Howard) one of those genetically-modified because of the criminal ancestry he derives from," Mugabe said, adding "criminals were banished to Australia and New Zealand by the British".

Maybe he could get together with "da crock". Tertiary syphilis sufferers should stick together.

Posted by: Mr. Snarky at November 29, 2003 at 01:52 PM

I have a tiny penis.

Posted by: Crock of Tim at November 29, 2003 at 03:02 PM

I've often voted Labor, crockette. Hawke over Peacock, for example, was a easy choice ...

Posted by: tim at November 29, 2003 at 03:43 PM

I heard that Crockette once went into someone's house, farted, and then complained: "Why does this place stink so much! Why am I here? Get me out of here!"

Posted by: Andrea Harris at November 29, 2003 at 04:00 PM

The real question is: "who cares?"

Fart-boy-slim will be as good/bad as anyone else although St Carmen would at least be funny in a pathetic sort of way.

No what the ALP must ask itself is "what do we stand for?".

Only once they answer this can they choose a leader who with a united team behind him/her will earn the right to be an "opposition". If they do not find this out soon, the Greens (who at least know that they stand against everything that normal middle class people believe in) may take over from the ALP.


Posted by: The_GOP_Elephant at November 29, 2003 at 04:19 PM

How about This Guy.
I remember he had charisma, vision, control of his minions, and his policies were pretty much in tune with Labor.
Not to mention what he would do for the ratings of Parliament Question Time.

Posted by: Osamas Psychotic Proctologist at November 29, 2003 at 05:07 PM

It must be hard for the ALP to get elected these days with their electoral base being locked up left, right and centre for gang rape faster than they can be replenished with fresh illegal immigrants. I like Hal's suggestions, but surely they should be thinking of getting Cheryl Kernot in for the top job. Given the way the ALP is heading, they'll urgently need her experience leading minor parties.

Posted by: Clem Snide at November 29, 2003 at 05:11 PM

i'd vote labor if idi amin was alive and running the show. another obvious choice would of course be wollongong's finest kev kavana EH EH!! at least he'd show those anemic vege eating bumbandits masquerading as the GREENS that EATING meat is GOOD for you.

Posted by: roscoe at November 29, 2003 at 05:38 PM


Posted by: Richard at November 29, 2003 at 07:57 PM

When is someone going to pull Latham up for pinching all his ideas from UK Labour? If he were a student he'd get flunked for plagiarising

Posted by: jack boland at November 30, 2003 at 03:54 AM

OT: NYT overestimated Iraqi casualty count by a factor of 10.

Update here

Correction: October 9, 2003, Thursday

An article on Sept. 25 about the arrival of Mongolian peacekeeping troops on American transports to serve in Iraq misstated the number of people killed by the armies of the general Hulegu in a past Mongol operation -- the sacking of Baghdad in 1258. Historians generally agree that it was 80,000, not 800,000.

I guess you'll have to issue a correction to your continuing crisis article. The trolls will be so thrilled.

Posted by: Andjam at November 30, 2003 at 10:34 AM

Swassociates, when you said "I think Labour should consider reanimating Gough Whitlam for the party head" I thought you said "reanimate Gough Whitlam's head" you know, to put on a giant robot. Everyone could get behind something like that, but if you think hidebound old Labour is ready for innovative thinking you're dreaming.

The next labour leader will be looser Breezly I bet.

Posted by: Amos at November 30, 2003 at 11:05 AM

Gough's still around. - John Ritson, Croydon, November 27.

Which is worse? Gough as PM, or Gough as ex-PM?

Posted by: Andjam at November 30, 2003 at 11:25 AM

Margo thinks that the ALP should elect a female leader, since this would be a sign that the ALP is ready to start the grieving process before it gets killed at the polls:

"When Labor believes it can't win, as is clearly the case here, then it sometimes elects a woman to cushion the loss. Joan Kirner in Victoria and Carmen Lawrence in Western Australia spring to mind. They go for a softer, more inclusive, more team-focused, less ego-driven style of leadership. You could see it as nurturing a grieving family.

Quite apart from the fact that it is pathetic for a supporter of leftwing parties to concede defeat in an election where the ALP has a fighting chance of victory, this strikes me as offensive to women.
It identifies women leaders with defeat. And the examples of Carmen Lawrence and Joan Kirner are not ones that I would be citing as hopeful precedents for female leadership.
With friends like Margo, the Left does not need enemies.

PS what about citing the one female in Anglo democracies who has a reputation for femininity, iron-will and political effectiveness.
Ahh, but Mrs Thatcher is not left wing, therefore not an example of real female political power.

Posted by: Jack Strocchi at November 30, 2003 at 11:52 AM

Mrs Thatcher, who is a woman, isn't usually regarded as very feminine.

Any views on Helen Clark, Jack?

Posted by: Andjam at November 30, 2003 at 12:09 PM

Latham would make it interseting but he's a bit of a deadshit. Beazley is weak, ineffectual and a proven loser. Don't know much about Rudd.

And if Latham should be done for plagarism, then so should Howard, Blair, Bush et al

Posted by: Amjo at November 30, 2003 at 02:26 PM

anyone noticed how much "arselicker" latham looks like margot kingston? have they ever been photographed together?

Posted by: roscoe at November 30, 2003 at 03:21 PM

Update approx. 5pm Sun.: Rudd says he's not standing.

With Noddy out does that mean we'll have to consider Bart Simpson?

Posted by: James Riley at November 30, 2003 at 04:01 PM

Margie Thatcher is always refered to as the Iron Lady - never heard her called the Iron semi man-thing or Iron Dyke or some other disparagement due to her gender.
Google "Margret Thatcher Iron" all your returns will have lady.
Heres a quasi girl who is widely known for her military hairstyle and bulbuos adam's apple

Contrast with this sweet saintly old lady that anyone would be proud to call Nana.

Posted by: papertiger at November 30, 2003 at 05:39 PM

Helen Clark is an ugly bloke.
How about George gregan for leader of the ALP?
He's used to losing.

Posted by: Habib at November 30, 2003 at 06:22 PM

Even if he stands no chance, the shadow attorney general Robert McLelland should definitely be nominated for making Crean-worthy statements: (follow the Ali Cetin link above)

"It is clear the Government is no longer interested in prosecuting people smugglers if it would cause political embarrassment. This now makes Australia a safe haven for people smugglers."

And all this time I thought it was the ALP who were all for illegal immigration. Damn, I must have been mistaken all along. It's, in fact, the Liberals right? I'll vote ALP then.

Posted by: random at November 30, 2003 at 09:38 PM

Eric Cartman

Posted by: Richard at November 30, 2003 at 11:03 PM

Don't underestimate Ali Cetin as a bit of a dark horse in this race. His tireless work in the advocacy and resettling of refugees has not gone unnoticed. On the one hand he is vigorously opposed by the Kebab Workers against Globalisation, left wing union faction, which will weigh heavily against him.(Of course this would be somewhat ameliorated by the pragmatic appeal to the NSW Right, of large brown paper bag, cash donations from the NSW Kebab Industry Association) On the other hand he will garner tremendous support from the Compassionatte` set, which are an important faction within the broader Latte` base within the party. For those of you who are a bit sketchy on the background of the Compassionatte` set I would direct you to ABCWatch of Thurs 27th titled 'Compassion defined yet again', for an appreciation of their intellectual underpinnings.

Anecdotally Ali should have broad resonance with the growing Compassionatte` in the electorate, who absolutely abhor Amanda. Typical was one North Shore woman I spoke to recently- 'Doesn't that woman understand how helpful these refugees are in maintaining one's grounds and pool these days. You try and get a European migrant these days from the Western Suburbs. Too far they say and if they do come the prices are frightful.' Yes I came away thinking I know where this lady will spend her next $3000 a head, fundraising, luncheon money.

It was the same story the other week at the Melbourne Cup luncheon with one of the Squattocracy, a traditional Liberal supporter. I just mentioned Amanda and she cut me short-'Don't mention that woman. I had to apologise profusely to everbody when I was OS in Asia recently. I told them straight out I'd rather squat in one of their street toilets than wear one of that woman's outfits. As for that grubby little man, I told them I can't stand anything that's genetically modified.' I came away thinking Ali could be a big factor in winning back the Tofu vote, which has been leaking so badly for Labor recently.

Yes it was the same story everywhere I went with globetrotters who were, or should be, on top marginal tax rates. Top public servants, vice-chancellors, university professors, ABC and SBS board members,etc, The Compassionatte` clearly wanted Ali as a counter to Bali and the new xenophobia.

Posted by: Observa at December 1, 2003 at 01:04 AM

Can I vote for Howard again?

Posted by: papertiger at December 1, 2003 at 06:03 AM

OK, I know you know I'm a Yank, but I don't see that as an obstacle. Absentee ballot Woo Hoo!

Posted by: papertiger at December 1, 2003 at 06:06 AM

Remember as this primary season kicks off.

Vote early...

...and Often.

Posted by: papertiger at December 1, 2003 at 06:09 AM

GOP Elephant got it right, who gives a damn who leads the Federal ALP? The party doesn't actually stand for anything anyway. The natural party of federal Government is in power. The ALP have now got to steal the greeenies clothes and go farther to the left. In that way at least they will be an opposition with a conscience.

Posted by: Toryhere at December 1, 2003 at 07:32 AM

A glove puppet.

Posted by: d at December 1, 2003 at 08:07 AM

Robert Manne in The Age:

'Beazley was once, and perhaps still is, a genuine enthusiast for the cultural program Keating placed at the centre of the political agenda - the republic, reconciliation, multiculturalism, engagement with Asia. It is, however, also true that during his time as opposition leader Beazley felt the need to express his enthusiasm for this agenda in whispers, for fear of stirring the anti-political correctness passions both John Howard and Pauline Hanson, in their different ways, aroused.'

So he's a snake-in-the-grass on more issues than just leadership.

Posted by: ilibcc at December 1, 2003 at 10:10 AM

Observa got it right. You lot have underestimated the powerful appeal of Ali Cettin, as an SME entrepreneur, to the aspirational classes. Mark Latham better watch out! Not only is Ali ethnic, thus providing a multicultural counterbalance to the boring Anglo-Irish, Catholic tradition of the ALP, but he would also deliver the Moslem vote in the Sydney and Melbourne electorates. Aussies love a battler who takes on the bureaucracy, so Ali, the kebab shop owner, could easily equal Pauline,the fish shop owner, in popularity. Ali was just trying to turn a buck and good on him, so let's get behind him as the next leader.

Ali Cettin -more than just a generational change for the ALP.

Posted by: freddyboy at December 1, 2003 at 11:30 AM

Can we put this to a poll ?
I reckon any of these guys would give any of the current crop of ALP members a run for their money

Posted by: Jim Flair at December 1, 2003 at 01:11 PM