October 15, 2003


Jim Treacher on hate mail:

Amy Alkon's got a serial hate-letter-writer with some sort of fetish for bodily eruptions. She gets all the best hate mail. Mine just says the same two or three things over and over again, slightly reworded each time. There's no poetry, like "The acidity that bleeds out of your offal is ultimately more sad than anything," or "... hence the pus that permeates your spittle amidst your weekly printed rants." I mean, that's just beautiful. Make an effort, people!

I join this demand that efforts be made. My hate mail is always about lunch. Jim also alerts us to Micheleís discovery that set-square dependent cartoonist Ted Rall has a blog. Hereís a sample:

Everything that Gov. Bush does is by definition illegal because his rule is illegitimate.

And everything that Rall does is by definition ... well, Rallish. As evidenced by the following:

Next year I'm publishing a collection of essays, columns and cartoons about the Bush Administration. I'm entertaining several possible titles, but to tell the truth I'm none too thrilled about them. That's why I'm turning to you for help.

Send your suggestion for a title (and subtitle) for my 2004 Bush Administration book to chet@rall.com

Letís help Ted:

Canít Write, Canít Draw
Canít Think Up Book Titles, Either

This Book Does Not Exist
Because Dissent In Bushís Amerikkka Gets You Killed

Michael Moore Is A Big Fat Millionaire Bastard
and i crave his audience

That Thing Up My Butt?
Itís My Head!

Itís All About Raaaaalllll
And Maybe Lots of Afghans And Iraqis Now Living In Freedom, But To Hell With Them

Deliver your own remainder bin title notions to Ted at the above address.

Posted by Tim Blair at October 15, 2003 04:28 AM

Point and Laugh: The Fine Art of Making Fun of Widows

Posted by: Emily at October 15, 2003 at 05:48 AM

How to Score with Chicks!

What I didn't reveal in Marie Claire

Posted by: Mr. Snarky at October 15, 2003 at 05:53 AM

"No, really, Unocal is building that pipeline across Afghanistan, I swear!"

Posted by: Damian P. at October 15, 2003 at 05:56 AM

Karl Rove,he's just pulled off the sleazy Texas redistricting

That from Rall's web-rant. He's not very bright, the redistricting in Texas was actually pulled off by my friend, Speaker of the Texas House, Tom Craddick. Redistricting in Texas is an old trick we learned from the Democrats, who like some mutant clue held a power deathgrip in the state for 120 years.

Posted by: wallace at October 15, 2003 at 05:56 AM

How to be a Whiny Little Cunt

Posted by: mojo at October 15, 2003 at 06:28 AM

Might I suggest a change to one of your subtitles? Based on "Everything that Gov. Bush does is by definition illegal because his rule is illegitimate," I think the book should be titled

This Book Does Not Exist
Because I Can't Write

Posted by: Chrees at October 15, 2003 at 06:35 AM

Ted Rall: A lifetime of autofellatio

Posted by: Rob at October 15, 2003 at 06:41 AM

And the winner is: Rob! :-p

Posted by: Barbara Skolaut at October 15, 2003 at 06:55 AM

Read That, Saw That
Tried to pass it off as original anyway

Posted by: BH at October 15, 2003 at 06:55 AM

Here's the suggestion I sent to Ted:

and Karl Rove Keeps Moving My Furniture While I'm Away

Posted by: Mike smith at October 15, 2003 at 07:19 AM

According to his site, "Ted Rall is America's BS detector."

Well, that makes sense. When your covered in it, I guess the red light flashes constantly.

Posted by: ccwbass at October 15, 2003 at 07:37 AM

I think Mike is the winner.

However, here's my $0.02:

Marklar = Marklar
Frightening Parallels Between Marklar and Marklar and How Marklar Will Be Brought To Justice

Posted by: Tongue Boy at October 15, 2003 at 07:38 AM

Dude, Where's my Head Gone?

Posted by: Freddyboy at October 15, 2003 at 08:03 AM

Scribbly Scribbles and the Scribbling Scribblers Who Scribble Them

Posted by: iowahawk at October 15, 2003 at 09:12 AM

All Terd.

By Ted Rall.

Posted by: pooh at October 15, 2003 at 11:29 AM

Ted Rall:
It's not just a conspiracy theory when everyone is against you.

Posted by: Jake D at October 15, 2003 at 11:57 AM

Can't write. Can't think. Plagiarizing. Can blog a little.

Posted by: Tom at October 15, 2003 at 12:13 PM

We're all Losing Our Civil Liberties
Jose "Shitstain" Padilla
with foreward by Robert Fisk and the Afghani that kicked him upside the head

Posted by: Cherie at October 15, 2003 at 01:01 PM


Why Ted Rall can't let shit go and learn to love the War on Terror.

Posted by: Homer at October 15, 2003 at 01:25 PM

Ted Rall:
Failed writer and artist, now blogger and cartoonist.

Posted by: Jake D at October 15, 2003 at 05:12 PM

Sucky Badly-Drawn Comics and the Sucky Whiny Leftists Who Draw Them
- a study in witless onanistic Bush-bashing (the only bush he's ever bashed, I'll wager, despite what the little toad said in Marie Claire).

I Have No Sense of Humour And It Shows
- why I sued Bush secret agent Dirty Danny

Selected Not Elected
- how my tinfoil hat has cut off circulation to my brain

It must really suck to be Tud Roil. Can you imagine waking up every day that full of bile and shit, chanting 'selected not elected, judicial coup, blah blah blah'? He must have an ulcer the size of Lake Pontchartrain. He deserves himself, of course. What the hell the rest of us have done wrong to have this festering human gum-boil foisted on us I shudder to think.

Posted by: David Gillies at October 15, 2003 at 05:13 PM


Posted by: Osamas Psychotic Proctologist at October 15, 2003 at 05:31 PM

Daddy? Where Did You Go, Daddy?

Posted by: Jim at October 15, 2003 at 11:52 PM

Oops, subtitle:

How the Trauma of Parental Abandonment Robbed Me of the Ability to Draw Faces, Hands, and Pretty Much Anything Else

Posted by: Jim at October 16, 2003 at 12:03 AM

Everybody Dies

So Shove Your Grief Up Your Ass, I'm Making Money and Screwing Hairy Uptown Chicks

Posted by: spongeworthy at October 16, 2003 at 12:08 AM

My suggestion
Hats, Thought Ray Armor, and 100 Other Uses for Tin Foil.

Posted by: Hudson at October 16, 2003 at 12:12 AM

Fighting the Conspiracy: A guide to tinfoil hats.
Shiny side out to deflect the mind control rays, shiny side in to keep Carl Rove from reading your thoughts.

Posted by: Monkeyboy at October 16, 2003 at 12:22 AM

"America's BS Detector Just Buried the Needle!
--Ted Rall passes a mirror."

"Art Class:
Things I lack, by Ted Rall"

"What's Google?
--Ted Rall's guide to fact checking"

Posted by: Greg at October 16, 2003 at 12:43 AM

Think Like Me!
How to make your own Bush/CIA-proof tin foil hat! More bad drawing and logic inside!

Posted by: Dave at October 16, 2003 at 12:47 AM

DoodleBuggery: The Ted Rall Story

Posted by: BH at October 16, 2003 at 01:26 AM

This is very cerebral fare.

Posted by: Joe Blog at October 16, 2003 at 03:17 AM

"Delusional Thinking in Journalism"
Ted Rall's decent into schizophrenia

Posted by: Perfectsense at October 16, 2003 at 03:23 AM

Those of you who think that Rall has only failed at writing, art, cartooning and blogging never heard his talk radio show.

I actually makes his cartoons look good in comparison.

Posted by: Richard R at October 16, 2003 at 03:32 AM

No Talent Required
Toons and Essays Uncontaminated by Intelligence or Humor

Posted by: James at October 16, 2003 at 04:16 AM

Everybody is a Meanspirited Greedhead (except me)
by Ted Rall

Posted by: Mark at October 16, 2003 at 04:55 AM

I suggested to him:

"Ted Rall: Asshole and Proud of It!"

It at least has the benefit of being true, though clearly that's not a major force in his life.

Posted by: Hatcher at October 16, 2003 at 05:03 AM

Ted Rall's forecast prior to the Iraq War:

BUZZFLASH: Bush has been claiming that we will also liberate Iraq and turn it into a democracy? What can the Iraqis expect based on the Afghanistan experience? RALL: While the two situations are not identical, it's fair to say that the Bushies will not want to stick around very long to help rebuild, and they won't want to spend much money on the problem…it's likely that the country will, like Afghanistan, disintegrate into civil war and warlordism. The way to stop this is to insert an enormous occupation force, but Bush will doubtlessly prefer to deploy those forces to, say, Libya or North Korea.

Posted by: Glenn at October 16, 2003 at 06:38 AM


By Ted Rall

Posted by: Chris at October 16, 2003 at 07:20 AM


According to his site, "Ted Rall is America's BS detector."

Just one word too far, I would venture say.

Posted by: Harvard@Cal at October 16, 2003 at 10:25 AM

It Takes a Village Idiot
Deep Thoughts from America's Colostomy Bag

Posted by: TJ at October 16, 2003 at 11:51 AM

The World According to Ted Rall

The Secret Life of Ted Rall

A Short Histry of Ted Rall

Who's Looking Out for Ted Rall

The Great Unravelling: Ted Losing His Mind in the New Century

1000 Things Not to See Before You Die: The Art of Ted Rall

Ted Rall and the Order of the Phoenix: More Stuff About Witches

Persecution: How Lefties are Waging War Against a Decent and Honest President Who Had the Spine to Do What Needed to be Done and Enough Morals Not to Screw Around with Interns

Dr Atkins' New Diet Revolution: Eat Ted Rall Books

The Pleasure of My Company: A Fantasy by Ted Rall

Rich Ted, Poor Ted: What Lefties Teach Their Children About Stuff That Sensible Right-Thinking People Never Do

Healing Anxiety and Depression: The Revolutionary Brain-Based Program that Allows You to Ignore Ted Rall

Beyond Belief: The Secret Gospel of Ted Rall

Stupid White Ted: and Other Excuses for the State of Cartooning

Here is Ted's Belly Button: a board book for Children

Posted by: pooh at October 16, 2003 at 12:38 PM

It's All About Oil, Play-Doh Tastes Salty, and Other Brillant Observations from Ted Rall

Posted by: Frank J. at October 16, 2003 at 11:14 PM

My Publisher Told Me I Had to Include One True Thing, and That's It

Posted by: McGehee at October 16, 2003 at 11:15 PM