October 07, 2003


Here’s John Kerry's favourite joke, told most recently on October 4:

Five thousand years ago, Moses said, "Hitch up your camel. Pick up your shovel. Mount your ass. I will lead you to the promised land."

Five thousand years later, Franklin Roosevelt said, "Light up a Camel. Lay down your shovel. Sit on your ass. This is the promised land." Today, George Bush will lay off your camel, tax your shovel, kick your ass and tell you there is no promised land.

Kerry grinds out this excruciating gag (he calls it a “story”) every chance he gets, drawing pitiful applause from people who can’t remember the same joke referring to Clinton, the first George Bush, Reagan, and Nixon. One oldtimer has the fossilised witticism pegged to Harry S:

That camel/ass story is older than I am, and I'm 62. I first heard it during the Truman administration.
Posted by: Pat in CA at September 13, 2003 06:18 PM | Link

It’s hard to believe Kerry’s advisors let him run with material so incredibly dated and sad, or that Kerry dupes apparently lap it up:

John Kerry came alive in Boston. He was real. He was emotional. He was charismatic and people related to him. He gave a rousing speech to an enthusiastic crowd that couldn’t wait to scream his name — he was like a rock star on stage and it seemed like he was loving it. The ONLY time I have seen him spontaneous in a crowd was tonight. He veered off his speech several times — the biggest variation was this joke ...

You know the one.

Posted by Tim Blair at October 7, 2003 05:34 PM

It's like the Thatcher/Cabinet/lunch/vegetables joke reprised any number of times.

Maybe this as well:

The Clintons are at the baseball. With the game about to begin, Bill grabs Hillary and throws her onto the field. Bill's Chief Advisor is shocked. 'Bill, you've misunderstood. I told you to throw out the First Pitch.'

Posted by: ilibcc at October 7, 2003 at 06:38 PM

if you want to see the worst rip-off joke book, check out Phat Phil's Australian jokebook(s) (can't remember the exact title(s)).
He reprises hundreds of lame, superannuated jokes, making them "Australian" in clumsy, pathetic ways, like "Two rabbis travel on a train from Ulladulla to Wollongong and one says..." .
Very pitiable cash-in, but a commie has to make a (good)living.

Posted by: Skinny Hippo at October 7, 2003 at 10:13 PM

I think that Becky Diamond has been taking Margo lessons. Her report of Kerry's joke concludes with these words:

"...Today George W. Bush lays off your camel, taxes your shovel and kicks your ass and says — There is no promised land.
The Applause meter went off the roof."

I can picture a couple of guys hurling it over the side and watching it smash to pieces in the parking lot below.

Posted by: Ernie G at October 7, 2003 at 11:59 PM

Taxes your Camel? Is Kerry saying that Bush hasn't cut taxes enough?

Posted by: monkeyboy at October 8, 2003 at 12:25 AM

Now there's a winning slogan:

"No More Taxes...on shovels"

Posted by: Tongue Boy at October 8, 2003 at 12:45 AM

I read about Kerry saying that and thought "Hey he's pretty funny for a socialist pod-person", now you tell me this moron can't even think up his own jokes. Pa-thetic.

But what is funniest is that Kerry seems to think kicking people in the ass and telling them no more free rides is a BAD thing, wouldn't every old school conservative in the country be nodding approvingly? And WTF is this about taxing your shovel, Bush CUT taxes! Can't Kerry even keep that straight? I mean, what the FUCK?

Posted by: Amos at October 8, 2003 at 12:51 AM

Its pretty weird to have a Democrat describing FDR as saying "Lay down your shovel. Sit on your ass", even as a joke. Is that a backhanded repudiation of New Deal?

Posted by: Catbert at October 8, 2003 at 01:20 AM

ilibcc: ROFLMAO!

Kerry's "joke" is at least as old as I am (57). He and his followers are pathetic; anything that seems to bash Bush is good/funny, even when it makes no sense. No President "lays people off," except from his own staff; this President cut taxes on shovels, and most everything else; and Americans already live in the Promised Land, though the Dim-O-Rats are doing their damnedest to destroy that as well.

BTW, it's rumored Kerry was in Vietnam.

Posted by: Barbara Skolaut at October 8, 2003 at 02:18 AM

Classy! That guy's apparently running for president. /rolleyes.

Posted by: Matt from Vegas at October 8, 2003 at 03:00 AM

FDR created the Works Progress Administration to enable workers to get off their asses, pick up shovels and get paid for doing something. Well, admittedly, some of them were leaning on those shovels. I don't think any camels were involved.

I think Kerry would be wise to avoid ass-mounting references. And he doesn't want to imply that a Democratic icon encouraged smoking!

Posted by: Joanne Jacobs at October 8, 2003 at 07:22 AM

Rim shot please.

Yo, John, get some new material!!!!!!!!

Posted by: joe at October 8, 2003 at 10:31 AM

And none of Kerry's fans or friends have noticed that the joke blasts FDR and claims that Bush is raising taxes?

I think that says a lot about their listening comprehension.

Posted by: John Nowak at October 8, 2003 at 03:25 PM