Tim Blair

C'mon Tim, number Six is a trick question. Fisk will NEVER understand.

Nice try.

“We...assume...their...defence and...self-government...aren't...essential.... We...have begun...this...war...”

I'm not doing maths at 2 in the morning either.

I hope you brought enough rum for the whole class, Scott Wickstein.

The teacher would have much more to work with had she used the 15,000 or more deaths in August. There are just tons of math problems in that one. It's also as tasteful as what she did use.

Tim hosts 9 members of the Quadrant Cabal at his table for a LONG LUNCH. 33% like beer ($5 Per Glass). and the remainder like EXPENSIVE WINE ($50 per glass).

Assuming the lunch goes for 3 hours, and none of the guests wish to be arrested for driving their Bentleys whilst over the limit, how many Vietnamese shoe-making children must Tim exploit to have enough money to afford their drinks?

1. 0.06 seconds

2. $480

3. The last date he can say it is Sep. 6, 2004

4. Michael Moore will alter history to make it so that he's the winner. I'm not sure about Philip Adams's abilities in this regard.

5. Day 29 (96 UN personnel to 116 showbiz types)

6. Trick question. He'd blame it on the Americans.

7. 288

8. Please refer to David Skurnick's post for the answer.

In the absence of any mathematical ability on my part to dispute those answers, I award David 12 out of 7! Well done.

Assuming that one soldier can search an area of x hectares for weapons of mass destruction per day, how long would it take Y soldiers to search a country the size of France?

Number three is a trick question too. 2004 is a leap year.

Actually, it's still right. I cheated and used Excel, which remembers leap years even when I don't.

Number four is also a trick question. Micheal Moore has already eaten the ham sandwiches by the time the assistants arrive.

Number four is a trick question. Hutts don't eat nothin' that's dead.

Question number 2 is a trick, too. Surely not all Dixie Chicks are created equal? The fat one certainly needed more Photoshopping than the cross-eyed one or the other one. The artist would have been within his rights to demand extra pay for such a horrible job.

All answers are the same: 42

42, the meaning of life.

The gauntlet has been thrown:

#8: "We stand with...Iraqi...terror."

4. mike moore's factotums to beat phildo's to the ham sambos. moore then chokes on the ham sangers while in drag in a bizarre attempt to emulate mama cass.

Great math quiz. Reminds me of the widely used City of Los
Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam.

It seems the answer to dsquare's teaser is forever. Since, the assumption is, there is at least one WMD in France,which, therefore, can be hidden anywhere,anyway.Heck, Chirac could be sitting on it, as in, it's under his lounge chair.How, long will it take a U.S. soldier to recieve permission to inspect Chirac's furniture, and he is sitting on the secret WMD dump.This is physics problem, resting on the inertia of French govt. and Chirac's gravity which needs to be calculated from its weight upon the neck of the French: thus, requires estimate of Lbs per square inch over the population, French necks, soon to be headless, madam guillotine revified, metaphrically. Headlessness affects calculations. in a new for.

Here's another question:

50,000 Aussie sheep go on a holiday cruise to the Persian Gulf. Evil towelheads prevent them from landing for sightseeing in picturesque Saudi Arabia. Interfering busybodies in Oz try to force them to come home. Some sheep who didn't pack blockout, develop skin cancers and die. Some get seasick and want to leave the ship. How many will jump ship and seek asylum in Iraq? How many will make it through the shark-infested waters of the Gulf? How many will return to Australia to be slaughtered to satisfy the animal liberationists?

Question 1: This is a trick question as they were seated in an aeroplane. We are not told whether the aircraft was on the ground or flying. As everybody knows the speed of sound is dependent upon temperature, pressure, humidity, and CO2 concentration.

Question 2: I'll pay him a lot more if he deletes them entirely.

Question 3: If nobody is listening, is he actually heard?

Question 4: The question is based on a false premise as there are clearly at least two pickles.

Question 5: It depends on how many more of them are bombed.

Question 6: The data given is based on the number of adult punches he receives before he realises a threat. Andrew X above correctly points out that this is a vastly different proposition to making Fisk UNDERSTAND. He may not however be correct in his assertion that Fisk will never understand. It is possible that one of the kids could borrow the Imperial Cluebat.

Question 7: Let's just hope that George goes shopping again real soon and makes a personal delivery to his master in Iraq. There will be plenty of others wanting to make deliveries to Saddam at the same time.

Question 8: We aren't essential.

To answer Freddyboy's three part question:

a) zero
b) zero
c) zero

The 101st Airborne will airlift a giant barbecue to the Gulf and...the rest is (burp)_ culinary history.

Extension to question 3: What is the probability that Kofi Annan will condemn future terrorist attacks "in the strongest possible terms" whilst being "deeply concerned" about US decisiveness?

Ken, you've added a fourth part to the question: how many lamb chops will our boys enjoy at the BBQ? (Students: please allow for rejects caused by scabby-mouth, foot-and-mouth, skin cancers etc).

Great idea Ken. The 101st could use the sheep as moving targets, thus eliminating the need to hone their skills by firing on innocent Iraqis. Splattering the sheep wouldn't be as humane as slitting their throats and letting them bleed to death but what the hell, the boys' death dealing skills would be sharpened, they'd be entertained and well fed.

Freddyboy, unless you're a Pal-eating pensioner, why would you eat sheep mouths, feet or skin?

Zsa zsa, I was considering the sensitivities of our boys; but you're right, they'll probably throw the reject stuff to the starving locals. After all, Arabs prize sheeps' eyes as delicacies, so they'll probably go for the scabby mouths, rotten feet and all. Losers can't be choosers, after all!

"(The) Iraqi people ... we will finish."

Er, what was the question again?

“We stand with the Iraqi people as they...move towards ...terror.”

Oh, the sheepanity, the sheepanity.Not since the Hindenburg disaster have I witnessed anything so horrible as 50,000 woolly sheep holed up on a ship straight from hell, only to be sent to a quagmire of feasting in restaurants.

Mr.and Mrs. fetlock,`Waiter, we'll be served up in red wine sauce, please. Charge as at a few smackers serve. And, we'd like the comapny of some veges too.'

…the Iraqi people…aren’t easy tasks, but they…will finish what we have begun and…will win this essential victory in the war on terror.

Isn't #5 a trick question since most entertainers ARE wusses.

"We stand with...more...terror.”