September 30, 2003
YOU REPORT, WE SURRENDER
France will launch an international news network to compete with CNN and the BBC, Prime Minister Jean Pierre Raffarin announced today. “This channel will promote a French vision that is more necessary than ever in today's world," he said.
Your challenge: to provide a slogan and/or graphic for the new network.
Posted by Tim Blair at September 30, 2003 08:25 PMpoints will be deducted for using the words "cheese" and "surrender monkeys".
Posted by: roscoe p coltrane at September 30, 2003 at 08:45 PMLe News, giving you complete world coverage 24 hours a day*
* Due to the 35 hour work week we are actually only on the air 5 hours a day and of course, we won't be broadcasting the entire month of August. Other than that, we are there cherrie. We are there!
France News Network: Cameras dropped to the ground recording our fleeing heels since 2003.
Posted by: Gordon King at September 30, 2003 at 09:06 PM"All the news that conforms to our illusions of self-importance."
Posted by: Tim Shell at September 30, 2003 at 09:23 PMWeasels report after they decide (what your opinion should be).
Posted by: ZsaZsa at September 30, 2003 at 09:33 PMToday's Maginot Line against truth, balance, and
common sense.
Posted by: g. lukes at September 30, 2003 at 09:49 PMCNN – Chirac News Network – More Anti-American the Al Jazeera and in the same cable package as porn channels!
Posted by: PerfectSense at September 30, 2003 at 10:00 PMThe World According to France - The only "international" news station [we think] you should listen to in a language nobody understands. (subtitles in Arabic)
Nothing good about Enlish speakers - guaranteed.
Posted by: random at September 30, 2003 at 10:24 PMVinght-Quartre Heur Merde-Mange', presente' pour le' non fromage mange' anchor, M. Brian Zatapatique.
Posted by: Habib at September 30, 2003 at 10:27 PMEverything Tous Le Monde, from 42N to 51N and from 4W to 7E; the rest of you don't count.
Now go away, or I will taunt you a second time.
The Palestinians and the French Resistance - both fighting aginst nasty invaders.
Posted by: Andjam at September 30, 2003 at 11:12 PMIt will be know in English as: French United Cablenews Kaleidoscope of Worldwide International Tele-news Services (or F*CKW*TS Network).
Plans seem to have progressed by French standards with numerous committee meetings representing unions, farmers, bureaucrats etc.
But there seems to be one important element missing - anyone in the world who would be remotely interested in watching this merde-fest of self-indulgent irrelevance.
Nothing of interest has come out of France since Napoleon set out for Waterloo. They have an economy going to hell in a handcart, a foreign policy which has failed in every area of the world unfortunate enough to have been a former colony of theirs and a military culture which seems to invlove white flags being waved provocatively at their enemies.
In short, France represents all that is detestable in foreign policy (old fat irrelevant Europe slowly eating itself).
No-one will watch this news service so why do they bother - save the poor old French taxpayer the trouble (and keep the tax rate somewhere under 100%).
The international radio distress call "Mayday" is is actually derived from the french word "m'aidez" which means "help me". I'm sure someone can make a good joke out of this.
Posted by: Cruddrick at September 30, 2003 at 11:29 PMFNN - Your opinion on CNN, except the "F" stands for "France"
Posted by: Marty at September 30, 2003 at 11:43 PMFNN: Comme le CNN - Seulement nous taunt vous à dans un centimètre de votre vie
Posted by: Tongue Boy at September 30, 2003 at 11:59 PMFrench News Network - unbiased, uncensored and unbathed
Posted by: Random_Prose at October 1, 2003 at 12:00 AMOh Strewth, DON'T STOP!
This is hilarious!
Random Nuclear Strikes (in the Pacific Ocean)
Posted by: Random_Prose at October 1, 2003 at 12:33 AMTune in at 7.30 for "The O'Chirac Factor", and enter the 'No Spine Zone'
Posted by: Random_Prose at October 1, 2003 at 12:43 AMI don't think we can go past
"We distort.
You deride." by James Wolf as the slogan , as to logo, the ban on monkeys aside it is hard not to think that something along the lines of the see no evil & etc monkeys one one side of a coin, with a background montage of a rougues gallery of dictators and terrorists from Mugabe to fat Kim, with the other side of the coin featuring one monkey hissing and spittig on british and American flags whilst another cheese eating monkey with Napoleon hat screeches and scampers away from a man armed with a bowler hat and umbrella.
The graphic for the news network:
A steaming pile of merde on a Parisian sidewalk.
Posted by: Kevin Smith at October 1, 2003 at 01:12 AMAnd now for our viewers who don't speak French... Fuck You.
Posted by: S Whiplash at October 1, 2003 at 02:31 AM* Pushing your tax-threshold further 24 hours a day, 35 hrs a week.
Posted by: Murdoch Software Engineer Std at October 1, 2003 at 02:35 AMThe Impotent Rage Network. Puerile fury and contempt presented in a logic-free format.
Posted by: kelly at October 1, 2003 at 03:13 AMOK. I tried posting a image of the new network's logo here in the comments and it didn't work....you will have to come see it at Jessica's Well.
Posted by: Natalie at October 1, 2003 at 03:20 AMCome on y'all, here's the motto, "Shut up and listen.".
"Take the opportunity to shut up and watch 'NousNight with Aaron Brown'"
"Tonight, Wolf Blitzer Reports, live from Paris. Naturally."
Posted by: scott h. at October 1, 2003 at 04:47 AMI can think of nothing that even comes close to James Wolf's "We Distort, You Deride." But regardless, here's my try:
Le Beret Bleu Quotidien -- or "le BBQ"
Posted by: gw at October 1, 2003 at 04:56 AMHmm, didn't actually show up. Try again:
Le Beret Bleu Quotidien -- or "le BBQ"
Posted by: gw at October 1, 2003 at 04:57 AMNothing of interest has come out of France since Napoleon set out for Waterloo.
Well, let's not forget Victor Hugo and mayonaisse. Other than that...
Posted by: Larry at October 1, 2003 at 05:39 AM"Our views on your dime."
Or has that been taken? (I'll contact my local PBS affiliate - I don't want to plagarize).
Posted by: Jerry at October 1, 2003 at 06:06 AM"You give us 22 resolutions, we'll give you the non."
JLNN -- More Frenchmen get their news from the Jerry Lewis News Network than from anywhere else.
Posted by: growler at October 1, 2003 at 08:11 AM(By the way, a comment by "Andjam" above is by a different person to me)
"Missing a good chance to shut up since 2003"
They're at it again, eh. Must hunt out the article of the first French attempt at hot air invasion. Cost Froggies a fortune. Ha ,ha, come in spinner.
Posted by: d at October 1, 2003 at 09:59 AMFNN: We bend over for you (just don't do us dry)
Posted by: Freddyboy at October 1, 2003 at 10:08 AMFNN - "News for the peasants because they need to be told what to think"
Posted by: Chris Josephson at October 1, 2003 at 11:39 AMDerrida; head producer, programmer.Foucault as his side-kick.Now, what is that about boof-heads running businesses.
Posted by: d at October 1, 2003 at 03:12 PMThe Gallic Spleen. The one stop shop for fact free opinion, anti-american ranting, and smug self importance.
Posted by: Greg at October 1, 2003 at 06:10 PMChicken News Network
F*ck Normandy Network
Le Mondacious
Posted by: Monsieurly Chris at October 2, 2003 at 02:48 AM