September 16, 2003


Margo Kingston used to begin her twitchy political fantasies with a friendly "Hi." But lately she’s ditched the "Hi", possibly because it was too American. Now she begins each doomed Webdiary entry with a 100% pure, genuine Australian "G'day."

Except she doesn’t. Margo’s version is "G'Day", except when Sydney Morning Herald subeditors repair her work for the print edition. Margo doesn’t know that the correct form of the abbreviated "good day" doesn’t take a capital D. She’s that GodDamned stupiD.

Or maybe she simply exists on a plane we lesser writers are too witless to appreciate. I’ve given up trying to decode this Margolian intelligence:

Labor, freaked out by hostile media reaction to its attempt to press the issue, its own guilty secrets on disclosure and threats by Howard to fight fire with fire if necessary, saw Labor leave it alone last week.

"Leave it alone" is sound advice, certainly for Webdiary contributor Harry Heidelberg:

I sense the forces of renewal in Australia and America.

A new era is about to dawn, but I'm not sure what it will be. We've been duped on a number of fronts. Being conned is not nice and citizens of the Anglo world need to weigh their choices carefully.

George Bush and John Howard are the living dead. I'm utterly convinced of this.

They are zombies! No wonder Bush nearly choked on a pretzel. It was alien to his zombie diet! To end, let’s take a look at the current global situation as it appears in Margo’s Panic-O-Rama mental multiplex:

Now the Americans are begging the UN to clean up its mess, Iraq looks like Vietnam and Saddam Hussein looks like he's got into bed with his sworn enemy Osama Bin Laden. Last week, Bin Laden agreed with Bush that Iraq is the central front. In what, World War III? The Iraqi people's suffering continues.

Only G'Margo the G'Zombie slayer can save us. G'Bye.

Posted by Tim Blair at September 16, 2003 12:46 AM

Well, I'll be G'Damned.

Posted by: dazed at September 16, 2003 at 12:53 AM

This reminds me of my favorite Lileks quote: "Who knew that fish, confined to a barrel, would evolve to sport concentric circles on their sides, that looked just like targets?"

Posted by: Ernie G at September 16, 2003 at 01:09 AM

I saw the original article (I didn't read the whole thing obviously - nobody deserves that), but the "Howard on the ropes" bit just cracked me up, Simon Crean is worried that Damir Dokic will challenge for the leadership of the Labor party, Damir would beat Simon by a landslide.

Poor Margo just doesn't understand how elections work, there has to be an electable opposition, one more popular than the Govt, and, traditionally it's considered nice if they have a policy or two.

I think that she actually believes that she influences opinions and that is just too funny for words...

Posted by: harry tuttle at September 16, 2003 at 01:10 AM

I wish you hadn't dropped the Margoyle embargo.
I feel ill.

Posted by: Pedro the Ignorant at September 16, 2003 at 02:30 AM

The correct way of spelling "vietnam" is Viet Nam. Very culturally insensitive on her part.

Posted by: gaz at September 16, 2003 at 02:44 AM

Typical Margo - behind the curve as always. This isn't WWIII. WWIII ended years ago, when the Soviet Union collapsed. This is WWIV.

Do try to catch up, Margo dear.

Posted by: R.C. Dean at September 16, 2003 at 03:09 AM

Maybe she's right and Bush and Howard are zombies. This would go a long way to explain Margo's brainless column. Zombies gotta eat, man.

Posted by: Yobbo at September 16, 2003 at 03:22 AM

Margo and her familiars clearly need protection from mind altering rays. I suggest lots of foil.

Posted by: Mr. Snarky at September 16, 2003 at 03:23 AM

Please tell me you people read One of the funniest sites on the net bar none.

In their weekly news roundup they have a pretty funny Iraq vs Vietnam chart about half way down,

Enjoy! And check out the site, it rules, especially the movir reviews.

Posted by: AMOS at September 16, 2003 at 03:23 AM

How much did you pay for your first car, Tim?

Posted by: Thedopoulos Pherecydes at September 16, 2003 at 03:31 AM

"I sense the forces of renewal in Australia and America."

Back in my trotskite days I'd mouth platitudes like this for breakfast. It was later that I realized that what a total crock of shit was anything I "sense"[d]. Or maybe he's just "sensing" the change of seasons?

Posted by: LB at September 16, 2003 at 04:47 AM

"Now the Americans are begging the UN to clean up its mess" Gee, and here I thought it was another US request for the UN to grow a set of testicles. Which has been turned down again.

Posted by: Chrees at September 16, 2003 at 06:31 AM

I'm a Bush-man, but even I can't swallow that he's some sort of Machivellian genuis.

And then I wonder......

Following Chrees above, is it possible that he really is just setting his opponents up for another whacking.... AGAIN??

Everyone moans and wails and garment-rends over the US avoiding the UN. SO what does he do? AGAIN, just like going to Congress in Aug '02, going to the UN in Sept 'O2, basically does what his enemies demand he do.... but in such a way that they either swallow his medicine or turn their backs on everything they've been wailing about for months. It looks like the UNers may have learned this time, and are now turning their backs on him....

So NOW who'se at fault? Obstructionist? Saying "my way or the highway"? Hmmmm? Margo's right. Now "The Americans are begging the UN to clean up it's mess". And the UN, to the surprise of no one, least of all to anyone with the middle initial of 'W', the UN shows yet AGAIN that it is "all hat and no cattle, and not even a G-D- sheep, f'r criminy sakes".

Now, (maybe...hopefully), 2004 rolls around, Iraq is stable and growing, and not only did it happen without the UN, but the UN HAD THEIR CHANCE! And blew it. Again.

Bush wins again.

Could he be.......

Naw. He's a moron. Just ask Margo and Co.

And, just as a PS, I honestly don't think Bush hates the UN. He's a businessman. Businessmen have nothing but respect for a genuine opponent that gets the job done. They have nothing but contempt for those who sit on the sidelines, bitch, moan, and wail about what they are entitled to, and expect someone else to solve their problems for them.

So which is the UN?

Posted by: Andrew X at September 16, 2003 at 07:42 AM

"Labor...saw Labor leave it alone??"

Sounds like Planet of the Apes talk.

Ape shall never hurt ape.
Ape shall never hurt ape.

Posted by: R.W. at September 16, 2003 at 02:08 PM