September 01, 2003

FIRST WEEK FINALS DRAW

Itís AFL finals time. All you need to know:

First elimination final Fremantle v Essendon, Friday night, Subiaco Oval. Likely winner: Fremantle

Second elimination final Adelaide v Weagles, Saturday, Football Park. Likely winner: who cares? This game should be cancelled

Second qualifying final Collingwood v Brisbane, Saturday night, MC Jeebus. Winner: Collingwood

First qualifying final Port Adelaide v Sydney, Sunday, Football Park. Likely winner: Disgusting Port Adelaide

Posted by Tim Blair at September 1, 2003 10:53 AM
Comments

Freo over Essendon? I'd hate to see that.

Collingwood going down by one point and Eddie McEverywhere committing ritual suicide on the ground? I'd love to see that.

Go the Bombers!

Posted by: Jake D at September 1, 2003 at 11:12 AM

Be veeeerrry careful what you say about WestCoast Eagles Tim or I'll do something. Not sure what yet, but I'm warning you. . .

Posted by: Razor at September 1, 2003 at 11:27 AM

Sport? You're providing a sports service now? What happened to the coming conflagration with the towelheads?

Tim, you've reached a new low. If you're not gonna talk smart-arse reactionary gibberish I'll just have to look elsewhere for some rabid right wingers to mock!

Maybe I'll try your mates at Right Wing News...

Miranda

Posted by: Miranda Divide at September 1, 2003 at 11:42 AM

The Pies and the Lions will be a ripper - are you going Tim?

BTW here's a new blog on the subject of football that deserves support.

Posted by: Alex Hidell at September 1, 2003 at 11:43 AM

I might just drive down for the game, Alex. Depends on my ticket-scamming ability.

Posted by: tim at September 1, 2003 at 11:59 AM

Adelaide's playing the Wiggles?

Posted by: Mike G at September 1, 2003 at 12:03 PM

Dorothy the dinosaur in the forward pocket. Staging for frees, as usual.

Posted by: tim at September 1, 2003 at 12:12 PM

Right. . that's it. . .I've had enough . . .stomp stomp stomp slam

Posted by: Razor at September 1, 2003 at 12:21 PM

Soory, I think you made a mistake in this one Tim. You have the Collywobbles winning against Brisbane??? Surely that was a typo? You can't be serious, surely?? Oh well, I guess denial aint just a river in Egypt. ;-)

Posted by: Todd at September 1, 2003 at 12:31 PM

Real Magpies to trounce the pretend magpies on the last Saturday in Sept.

Posted by: LD at September 1, 2003 at 01:05 PM

Mick Malthouse, the coach of Collingwood Aussie Rules Club, gets wind of a potential new young recruit who lives in Iraq.

Malthouse and the Magpie Recruiting Manager catch a plane to war-torn Baghdad and track the young boy down.

They risk life and limb dodging bombs, bullets and grenades but finally find him and convince him to come to Australia.

The boy does a full pre-season, plays all the practice matches and gets picked on the bench in the seniors for the first game of the year.

Ten minutes into the first quarter, one of the players goes down with a severe knee injury.

Malthouse turns to the boy and says, "This is it son, go to centre half forward and show us what you can do."

The boy proceeds to play the greatest debut game in AFL history. He kicks 9 goals, takes mark of the year, and kicks the winning goal after the siren from outside 50.

The Pies chair him off the ground and give him three cheers back in the rooms. Malthouse tells the team what the boy from Iraq has been through and that he is a model lesson for all.

Malthouse then pulls the boy aside and says, "Go into my office son, ring your Mother and tell her what you did today".

He proceeds to do so. "Mum", he says down the phone, "Guess what I did today?"

"I don't care what you did today," his Mother replies. "I tell you what happened here today", she goes on. "Your Dad was stabbed and robbed, our house torched, our car blown up, your sister raped and your brother abducted."

"Gee," says the boy. "I feel a bit responsible for what happened".

The Mother replies "So you should be, if it wasn't for you we would never have moved to Collingwood."

Posted by: Alex Hidell at September 1, 2003 at 02:17 PM

Im tipping Medhurst to kick 9 this week. Who's got the odds?

Posted by: Yobbo at September 1, 2003 at 03:28 PM

As a worshipper of things blue, I'm looking forward to the woodsmen getting into the Final and getting beaten,............. again.

Just the looks on Eddie Everywhere and Malthouse's faces will be enough glee for moi.

Posted by: nic at September 1, 2003 at 03:52 PM

Finals 2002: 'Pie Jason Cloke is disqualified from the Grand Final for an onfield misdemeanor, the tears break out all over and his mother, no really, starts a petition. Truly pathetic.

Finals 2003: 'Pie Brodie Holland brutally attacks an opposition player from behind away from the play, severely injuring him; gets a slap-on-the-wrist two-week suspension and everyone from the President to the bootstopper object to the media outcry. Even more pathetic.

A Sydney-Collingwood Grand Final would be nice, with Barry Hall belting the crap out of the 'Pies and Paul Williams kicking the winning goal. After the siren, before the siren, on the siren, whatever.

Posted by: ilibcc at September 1, 2003 at 04:19 PM

Tim, how about some Rugby League comment - real football played by real men, not this AFL garbage. Otherwise you've lost NSW and QLD.

Posted by: Rob (No.1) at September 1, 2003 at 05:05 PM

Don't write off the Crows.

Posted by: Scarlet at September 1, 2003 at 05:25 PM

Rugby League? Bum-sniffers and no-necks?

Err, sorry, real men playing real football.

Posted by: Ferg at September 1, 2003 at 05:26 PM

lol ..... rugby league.

Posted by: LD at September 1, 2003 at 05:27 PM

So, which are the real and which the pretend magpies? Collingwood (founded 1892) or Port (founded 1870)?

Hmmm?

Posted by: Ferg at September 1, 2003 at 05:40 PM

If Tim really wants Collingwood to win then why doesn't he attend a tryout and make the team and score all the points and lead them to the title?

Because he sits back drinking beer with his mates while other mothers' sons are forced to go out and battle and smash into each other and leap around like kangaroos.

Honestly, how can you support Aussie Rules if you're not able to suit up and compete yourselves?

I better see Tim in the line up for Collingwood or I'll write more idiotic comments...\sarcasm

(Don't I sound like Big Hawk?)

Posted by: JDB at September 1, 2003 at 07:16 PM

i hope brisbane come out on top over collingwood :)

Posted by: hast at September 1, 2003 at 08:13 PM

Don't worry Hast. Even without 5 of our best players, we can still take the Eddie Everywhere Collywobbles to the cleaners. Besides, it is our duty to the league to give Eddie something to winge about so the rest of the teams can have a good giggle. Tough luck Tim. Oh well, there is always next year, though you should probably be used to hearing that by now. ;-)

Posted by: Todd at September 2, 2003 at 10:18 AM

Gee, sport creates such a warm and fuzzy comraderie among Tim's flock of sheep. Real men play rugby league, apparently, though all you guys would be more expert at pocket billiards, i'd say. You boys all need to meet in a lonely park somewhere and have big group hug.

Miranda

Posted by: Miranda Divide at September 2, 2003 at 11:50 AM

Hey Miranda, I'm a kickboxer, an orthodox boxer and a weightlifter and have played football(the real stuff, not AFL).

Want to join me in the ring for a few rounds?

Posted by: Rob (no.1) at September 2, 2003 at 12:04 PM

Rob (no. 1) you are probably right - Miranda Divide probably enjoys getting punched in the ring.

Posted by: Razor at September 2, 2003 at 01:21 PM

Song for Miranda to Help her Understand Camaraderie and How She Can Join In if Only She Opens her Mind and Leaves her Prejudices at Home.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame.

Nelly Kelly love baseball games,
Knew the players, knew all their names,
You could see her there ev'ry day,
Shout "Hurray," when they'd play.
Her boy friend by the name of Joe
Said, "To Coney Isle, dear, let's go,"
Then Nelly started to fret and pout,
And to him I heard her shout.

"Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack,
I don't care if I never get back,
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game."

Nelly Kelly was sure some fan,
She would root just like any man,
Told the umpire he was wrong,
All along, good and strong.
When the score was just two to two,
Nelly Kelly knew what to do,
Just to cheer up the boys she knew,
She made the gang sing this song.

"Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack,
I don't care if I never get back,
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game."

- Jack Norworth, 1927

Posted by: pooh at September 2, 2003 at 04:25 PM