August 02, 2003


A new poll is up. See to your left. The last poll (“Which Australian columnist would you slap?”) drew 1400 votes, and resulted in a runaway win for Phillip Adams (559 votes). I finished a distant but still slapworthy second on 165, just clear of Emma Tom and Hugh Mackay, who were tied on 142. Slapsisters! Then followed Robert Manne (99), Mike Carlton (96), Miranda Devine (72), Piers Akerman (55), Andrew Bolt (43), and Janet Albrechtsen on a practically slapless 27.

Posted by Tim Blair at August 2, 2003 02:54 AM

Tim, you forgot one option in your poll - covered in pigskin.

Posted by: Jonny at August 2, 2003 at 02:58 AM

Hugh Mackay must be disappointed with his slap-ranking - he's just posted his *last* column for The Age.

Posted by: Craig Mc at August 2, 2003 at 03:54 AM

Can we have a poll for American columnists? I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to slap Maureen Dowd ...

Posted by: Bill at August 2, 2003 at 04:40 AM

How would I like to see Qusay and Uday? Next to Saddam would be good.

Posted by: ross at August 2, 2003 at 06:08 AM

Noticed on your poll, that "heads on a stick" (btw) is that like "monkey on a stick?", and Hello Kitty t-shirts were neck and neck...maybe if we put their heads on a stick and hang the t-shirts around the stick it would boost the percentages to 100%

Posted by: Laura at August 2, 2003 at 06:24 AM

I'd like to go off the board, Jack, and pick "Glued to a billboard in Times Square".

Posted by: Ken Summers at August 2, 2003 at 06:39 AM

The options are not all mutually exclusive. I suppose I'd go with no make-up, heads on sticks, with Hello Kitty shirts in the place of their torsos.

The old English custom of posting the parts throughout the Kingdom as a warning to all would be traitors would still seem to be a good idea here.

Hmmm, Elvis Costello's Man Out Of Time seems apropos somehow:

So this is where he came to hide
When he ran from you
In a private detective's overcoat
And dirty dead man's shoes

The pretty things of Knightsbridge
Lying for a minister of state
Is a far cry from the nod and wink
Here at traitor's gate

'Cause the high heel he used to be has been ground down
And he listens for the footsteps that would follow him around

To murder my love is a crime
But will you still love
A man out of time

There's a tuppeny hapenny millionaire
Looking for a fourpenny one
With a tight grip on the short hairs
Of the public imagination

But for his private wife and kids somehow
Real life becomes a rumour
Days of dutch courage
Just three French letters and a German sense of humour

He's got a mind like a sewer and a heart like a fridge
He stands to be insulted and he pays for the privilege

To murder my love is a crime
But will you still love
A man out of time

Posted by: charles austin at August 2, 2003 at 09:28 AM

I'd like to add my own none of the above too.

How about putting Uday and Qusay up as featured guests of the Last Supper of Idi Amin?

Posted by: John Bono at August 2, 2003 at 11:15 AM

My campaign to stack this poll was a disaster. Emma Tom should have at least come in 2nd.

Posted by: Caz at August 2, 2003 at 08:13 PM

Which just goes to show you how hard it can be to make people vote for something they don't really want to vote for...

Posted by: James Russell at August 2, 2003 at 09:18 PM