July 17, 2003


In which the Imam hands down his long-awaited ruling on man boobs:

Q: Is it permissible to fondle with one's own chest? Also if water is used to satisfy one desires is it allowed?

A: It is not permissible for one to awaken one's carnal desires and fondle with any part of his/her body to satisfy his/her desires. That is similar to masturbation.

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

Fatwa department?

Posted by Tim Blair at July 17, 2003 12:49 PM

Right up the hallway from Taxes, Licenses, and Title Registration.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at July 17, 2003 at 12:58 PM

Religious ruling. He's an Imam, remember? That's what he does.

Too cute, Timbo.

Posted by: Bon Scott at July 17, 2003 at 01:04 PM

actually, i'd place on the same floor as the bureau of alcohol, tobacco, and firearms.

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at July 17, 2003 at 01:05 PM

Stickbooks seem to be out as well-
(Does this also include publications such as "Meat Goat Monthly"?
Islam has something going for it- a fuck and a feed all in one stop.

Posted by: Paul Bickford at July 17, 2003 at 01:12 PM

Don't call me cute, Bon. The Imam wouldn't like it.

Posted by: tim at July 17, 2003 at 01:26 PM

i don't really have manboobs; what should i do?

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at July 17, 2003 at 01:29 PM

I strongly suspect that Michael Moore is looking to the Imam for advice; the man boobs query pretty much confirms it.

Posted by: Jackie D at July 17, 2003 at 01:43 PM

What about the water job? We didn't get an answer!

If adultery comes after homosexuality does that mean they're doing gay marriages?

So many questions, so few words from the Imam.

Posted by: The at July 17, 2003 at 02:47 PM

on the other hand:

"Australian scientists at the Cancer Council Victoria have found that young men who masturbate frequently are less likely to develop prostate tumours"

Iman nil scientists 1


Posted by: Giles at July 17, 2003 at 03:29 PM

Bunch of wankers those scientists...

Posted by: Harry Tuttle at July 17, 2003 at 03:32 PM

Jeez, Paul - still stuck on the whole "Goat Surprise" thing from a few posts ago?

Compelling image, I know - but let it go, man, let it go....

Posted by: brendan at July 17, 2003 at 03:35 PM

The, to your questin, will have to wag tthe beard with mufti of mufti.

To answer from hadith to date, gay marriages are excluded since what you may wish to explore begins viewing pictures of naked ladies .Why should this lead to homoseuxuality, only Allah knows. If you have already descended to this,then you may look forward to 24 hours a day orgies.

Perform many gulhs and don't forget to shave.

Posted by: d at July 17, 2003 at 03:40 PM

The fatwa you are, the more likely you are to have manboobs.

Posted by: Ric at July 17, 2003 at 03:52 PM

This is crazy stuff. 14 comments on a manboobs post and not one manssierre joke yet?

I'm ashamed of the lot of you.

Posted by: Ken Summers at July 17, 2003 at 04:16 PM

Ric: Oh my, that was terrible. I can't stop laughing.

Posted by: sunberry at July 17, 2003 at 04:28 PM

Check out question #6625. Its a Gas!

Posted by: Dave at July 17, 2003 at 06:17 PM

My favourite is #4763. The fact that something like this could be treated as a serious religious question is disturbing. Particularly when it creates issues like the one in #8535.

Posted by: wv at July 17, 2003 at 08:43 PM

Since the imam lives in Camperdown (KwaZulu-Natal, and not the Cape, amazingly), I am not sure I like him putting us on the map this way. I note he gets fan mail from America ...

Posted by: Dave F at July 17, 2003 at 08:50 PM

4763: "Imagine being with a beautiful
woman but insane. No person in a sound state of mind will even approach her."

Hell's bells, I nearly *married* her.

Posted by: Bruce at July 17, 2003 at 11:20 PM

Hey, check these out:
7272 Why women can't drive
5338 Gal with a monobrow; to pluck or not to pluck?
3612 Fatwa on belly rings.
7168 A guy with a thing for panties. (That's haram, dude.)
8602 If muslims shouldn't watch TV, what about Al-Jazeera?

Posted by: Ernie G at July 18, 2003 at 12:38 AM

Why do you all assume the question came from a man? The first part of the question (boobs) is more likely to come from a woman, and the second part (water) almost certainly does. At least I'm assuming it has something to do with the stimulating effects of water jets in Jacuzzis and that kind of thing, which I (perhaps naively) thought were far more stimulating to women than men.

Posted by: Dr. Weevil at July 18, 2003 at 04:15 AM

Q 8848:
the custom of Shiites using their middle finger to swipe their anus after using the toilet, is it only applicable to Shiites or for all the Muslims.Are there any hadithes regarding this ?

Come on that is just disgusting, everyone knows you should use your forefinger.

Posted by: Ross at July 18, 2003 at 05:03 AM

Ross, it depends on whether you have a shiity outlook or a sunni disposition.

Posted by: Ernie G at July 18, 2003 at 05:54 AM

Ernie, thanks for clearing that up, can anyone answer another anus related question, number 4257:

"I read in some of your posts that it is permissible to insert a finger in the wife’s vagina during foreplay. My questions; is it also permissible to insert a finger in her anus in the same manner? "

Posted by: Ross at July 18, 2003 at 07:13 AM

Fatwah ruling:
`Too cute': it is clear porn pic has been read, thus masturbation indulged, the next stage has been reached, homosexuality.

Punishment, many guhls and have fingers tied for one week.

A'aazimullah Imam.

Posted by: d at July 18, 2003 at 12:17 PM