July 15, 2003


The BBC claimed an easy victory in the Least Believable poll, beating the New York Times 428 votes to 237, with the ABC third on 158. The London Sun and Melbourne’s Age were the least Least Believable, scoring 12 and 14 votes respectively.

This week’s poll asks: Which local columnist would you slap? Here’s your list of potential slapees: The Australian’s Phillip Adams, The Daily Telegraph’s Piers Akerman , The Australian’s Janet Albrechtsen, The Bulletin’s me, The Herald Sun’s Andrew Bolt, The Sydney Morning Herald’s Mike Carlton and Miranda Devine, syndicated Fairfaxers Hugh Mackay and Robert Manne, and The Australian’s Emma Tom.

We’ve got an equal representation here of bedwetting lefty tools and mouthbreathing conservative brutes. Vote!

Posted by Tim Blair at July 15, 2003 02:32 PM

Why no Jill Singer?

Posted by: Mike Hunt at July 15, 2003 at 02:47 PM

I would really like to reserve my slaps for the loathesome scumbags a few posts down under "media acts fairly" but since they are not an option i will choose Phillip adams...Since I am a yank, I dont really know any of them, but you ,Tex,and Bunyip hold him in such low esteem I figure I cant go wrong.

Posted by: debbie at July 15, 2003 at 02:49 PM

I get to slap only one?

Posted by: nofixedabode at July 15, 2003 at 03:07 PM

One slap per day, yes.

And there was no Singer because her opinion pieces are not viewable online, at least not that I've ever seen.

Posted by: tim at July 15, 2003 at 03:14 PM

Mike Carlton by a big margin. A self-important, laugh-at-his-own-unfunny-sarcasm git.

Posted by: Ron Mead at July 15, 2003 at 03:26 PM

What, nobody gets to slap Margo or Ali Bin Ramsey?

Posted by: Alex Robson at July 15, 2003 at 03:46 PM

I think a critical piece of information has been left out. . . where do we get to slap this person; what part of the anatomy? I need to know before I can vote.

Posted by: Polly at July 15, 2003 at 03:50 PM

Good point Polly; I'd like to spank Jana Wendt. Does that count?

Posted by: ZsaZsa at July 15, 2003 at 03:54 PM


I'm not sure what this poll is supposed to prove. What if you want to slap Emma Tom's bottom?



Posted by: Ralph at July 15, 2003 at 03:56 PM

I've voted for the Phat Phuck, but only if I can slap him on the bare arse with a wet fish.

Posted by: Paul Bickford at July 15, 2003 at 04:07 PM

Given the area that needs slapping, I think the logistics require use of a Kato crane and a 300kg Ahi Ahi or Bluefin Tuna.

Posted by: Paul Bickford at July 15, 2003 at 04:09 PM

Re: slapping the Margoyle- I believe it is illegal to use corporal punishment on the differently abled.

Posted by: Paul Bickford at July 15, 2003 at 04:10 PM

I assume "slap" doesn't mean "sleep with".

Mike Carlton. He's definitely the most vicious of the idiotarians, with the exception of Alan Ramsey, who has progressed beyond merely hating democracy to being a Jew-hater, and Ramsey's continued writing at the SMH surprises me.

Posted by: Andjam at July 15, 2003 at 04:15 PM

Polly and Zsa Zsa have the numbers. Need a few rules of the game before voting.

Posted by: d at July 15, 2003 at 04:30 PM

If we're only allowed one slap per day, then today I will slap Sneers Akerman and tomorrow I will slap Miranda Devine. And for balance the day after that I will slap Margo.

Posted by: James Russell at July 15, 2003 at 04:43 PM

Where's peter Fitzsimmons?

Posted by: Ross at July 15, 2003 at 04:49 PM

Can we also expect a "which Australian blogger would you slap" poll too?

Posted by: James Russell at July 15, 2003 at 04:50 PM

Blair would surely win that one hands down James.

Posted by: Caz at July 15, 2003 at 05:16 PM

Paddy Prediction......Phillip Adams by 100 votes easy.
Please don't suggest that scrag Jill Singer get put online. As if her poison spreading bullshit isin't enough of a reason not to buy Fridays Herald Sun.

Posted by: Patrick at July 15, 2003 at 05:23 PM

Much as I'd like to slap Emma Tom, she'd probably enjoy it too much.

Posted by: Yobbo at July 15, 2003 at 05:47 PM

Phillip Adams is too predictable to be truly loathsome. However, Hugh Mackay's columns reveal a hand-wringing, grey-lipped, weak-chinned, spineless milksop of a sobbing, cringing, whining, passive/aggressive, dog-in-the-manger, prattling lefty carrying all the usual lefty obsessions writ extra large. Nothing personal Hugh, if you're listening. It's not about you, it's about what you write.

Posted by: ilibcc at July 15, 2003 at 06:22 PM

Is Emma Tom must supposed to be a Lefty? I thought she was just in it for the sex. If the conservatives are against that then I want no part of it.

But I'm not sure about this Robert Manne guy. His quote in the Age:

"Neo-conservatism is the ideology founded on the 1970s marriage of anti-communism with free-market liberalism. At its centre is the belief in the possibility of spreading Western economic and political values across the globe and the conviction that, to achieve this victory, the baleful influence exercised by self-hating left-wing intellectuals on the home front must be destroyed."

Gee, that sounds good to me. Surely he's not a Lefty? He sells the concept so well.

Adams is a predictable oaf. His column in The Australian is (unintentional) self-parody. Carlton is a bore who after a couple of drinks thinks he's funny and incisive. Best avoided.

To get rid of both: put Carlton between Adams and a government grant. The collision would wipe them out.

Posted by: The at July 15, 2003 at 07:37 PM

You left off Chemical Margo, Alan Ramsey and the Dill Horin. So I will need to vote twice for PhatPhil, Hughie the boy from Sydney Grammar (my old school too but I didn't turn into a dirty lefty) and Robert (can't find one person taken from their parents) Manne.

Posted by: Jehangir at July 15, 2003 at 08:11 PM

I voted for Phillip but i was very much in to minds. I thought "everyone will vote for Phillip so why not share the love?" Hugh MacKay is such a prat and I so wanted to vote for him.

Very pleased to know I can vote tomorrow.

Posted by: James Hamilton at July 15, 2003 at 08:19 PM

Its got to be Mike "I was in Vietnam man" Carlton.

Posted by: Gilly at July 15, 2003 at 08:50 PM

I gave that bastard Adams a belt around the ear (I know, I know, it was supposed to be a slap. But it's inflation-linked).

Good to see Janet Alb. not getting slapped much. Folks in here have taste. :O)

Posted by: Keith at July 15, 2003 at 09:16 PM

The reason a certain SMH columnist does not appear in the list is because mention of her is banned here on religious grounds.

Posted by: tim at July 15, 2003 at 09:28 PM

sorry tim, but as i'm an arrogant, ignorant yank who has no understanding or appreciation of other cultures you're the only one i've heard of, so c'mere, will ya?

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at July 15, 2003 at 10:07 PM


Posted by: tim at July 15, 2003 at 10:15 PM

{{{{{{Emma Tom}}}}}}}

Posted by: RJGator at July 15, 2003 at 10:21 PM

speaking of columnists i'd like to slap, whatever happened to imre salusinszky? he used to be kinda interesting, although he did tend to use the word "wet" as something of a punctuation mark. incidentally, the slapping would be an attempt to beat this tendency out of him.

Posted by: adam at July 15, 2003 at 10:46 PM

can we make maureen dowd an honorary australian?

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at July 15, 2003 at 11:02 PM

Be warned; I will guard Andrew Bolt with my life.

Posted by: Dan at July 16, 2003 at 12:14 AM

Since I don't have the time to make a journey across the Pacific, may I please remain in the States and slap Paul Krugman (if by "slap" you mean "beat the living snot out of")?

And, BTW, Molly Ivins wouldn't be a bad runner-up...

Jerry D.

Posted by: Jerry D. at July 16, 2003 at 01:56 AM

I really shouldn't have made the comment about wanting to spank Jana Wendt. What I really want is Ann Coulter to spank me. Yeeee-ha.

If Phat Phuc Phil doesn't win, he can spank me too.

Posted by: ZsaZsa at July 16, 2003 at 04:38 AM

{zsazsa daffy duck voice}

spank me now!
spank me now!

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at July 16, 2003 at 05:03 AM

Thump phil would be my preference, but Manne and McKay are worthy slapees too

Posted by: Alan McCallum at July 16, 2003 at 06:28 AM

I'm with Mr. Bingley. Let us yanks slap Maureen Dowd, for pete's sake!!!

Posted by: Ron at July 16, 2003 at 11:07 AM

Let's see, potential slapees...
Hmmm.... now, top of my list would be Hugh Mackay (SLAP!) for being a brainless (SLAP!) statistician (SLAP! SLAP!). Sorry, Hugh, but it IS personal. (SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!)
Secondly, Ruth Ostrow (SLAP!) (who writes in the Australian on the same page as Emma Tom, who can actually be quite funny.) Ostrow is a Jew/Buddhist/New-Age/Hippie (SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!) who somehow manages to churn out the same nonsense every week (SLAP!) and get paid for it. (SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!)
Janet Albrechtsen, maybe - not so much for being a rather ideologically correct right-winger as for getting caught, last year, by Media Watch. (SLAP!)
And lastly, Alan Ramsey (SLAP!) for being a boring old fart. (SLAP! SLAP!)

Posted by: TimT at July 16, 2003 at 11:20 AM

Phillip Adams should be a walk-up start, as he is already a slaphead.

Posted by: Paul Bickford at July 16, 2003 at 03:41 PM

Tim, what about Humphrey Bear?

I never saw the point in him.

Posted by: Jonny at July 17, 2003 at 07:19 AM

Humphrey is actually the head of the shady group of Adelaide perverts known as "The Brotherhood"; he uses his profile with kiddies to lure them to a truly hideous fate. Humphrey deserves more than a slap.

Posted by: Paul Bickford at July 17, 2003 at 11:24 AM