June 22, 2003

DAS BUSH

Via Collin May we learn that Matthew Parris believes the United States to be overrun by Germans, including Paul Vülferwitzenberger und Donüld Rumsfeldengassenchamber. Which explains why the US is such a vigorous defender of ... Israel.

Posted by Tim Blair at June 22, 2003 03:49 AM | TrackBack
Comments

Aren't there laws against "xenophobia" and "rascism" in the EU? As an American, can I file a criminal complaint against this man? --Ah shit, why bother? I'll just report him to the local Gestapo HQ. They'll deal with the stupid Schweinhund.

Posted by: Ratbane at June 22, 2003 04:19 AM

For the record, Germans began coming to the US 100 years before it was the US. Immigration from Germany petered off in the late 19th century. Some say these two centuries of mass immigration evacuated Germany of sensible people. In any event, Germans have been the largest ethnic group in the US since forever.

Posted by: Tim Shell at June 22, 2003 04:33 AM

My great-grandfather, Herman Hermans (boy, is _that_ a German name, or what?) came to the US in the late 1850's to escape religious persecution. He got here in time to fight in the Civil War. Two of his sons fought for the US in WWI. I don't know about WWII because none of the male relatives I'm aware of was of the right age, but some may have fought then. So, not only am I 1/8 of German descent, I studied under a Straussian for my PhD. I suppose this makes me way more dangerous than otherwise, huh?

(Pay no attention to that Scots-Irish, hillbilly background and all those shootin' arns and sharp-edgede objects lying about, it's that damnable German ancestry that counts.) ;-/

Posted by: Prof Dave at June 22, 2003 05:01 AM

Texas is the home of Shiner Bock! That proves that even George Bush is part of the Deutschland Uber Alles conspiracy!

Posted by: charles austin at June 22, 2003 05:15 AM

Also: Roosevelt is not a German name. It's Dutch.

Posted by: Polymath at June 22, 2003 06:33 AM

"Texas is the home of Shiner Bock! That proves that even George Bush is part of the Deutschland Uber Alles conspiracy!"

Ah, that explains why I start goosestepping around the room after drinking too many Shiner Bocks.

Leftist journos are twisting themselves into ever crazier logic pretzels these days in order to explain the incomprehendable fact that America is actually fighting to preserve Western values instead of placing faith in appeasement and the United Nations as the panacea for all of the world's problems.

Posted by: Randal Robinson at June 22, 2003 06:40 AM

I'm primarily of British descent, but I have German and Cherroke blood as well, my wife's of Italian descent. It's not about blood or genetics, never has been. It's about shared views.

This guy doesn't understand us at all.

Posted by: puggs at June 22, 2003 06:43 AM

This is an extremely bizzare piece. Not to mention ignorant...

>>German America hardly amounts these days to a community: it is almost too predominant to know itself. Its ancestors were among the earliest citizens of their emerging New World nation: they came early — before the Revolution and immediately after. They learnt to see themselves as Americans rather than look back. They have had time to assimilate. The days when (for example) the State of Pennsylvania almost made German its official language are gone.

Posted by: Pete Stanley at June 22, 2003 06:50 AM

Isn't England a Germanic name? Doesn't it come from the Angles tribe? So are the Germans the old Germans, the English the middle age Germans and now we're the New Germans? So even my English heritage is German? Man, this guy's a genius. What about all the Germans in South America? Are they the "Newish Germans"? My Half Ukrainian half-Indian wife's grandfather's name is Pfaffenrot. Is she a former German semi-Ukrainian? I need answers! Now where did I put my jackboots?

Posted by: Ken at June 22, 2003 06:52 AM

Sheesh, maybe this uber clot can write a
follow up about the new Mecca:France.

Posted by: David at June 22, 2003 08:07 AM

Parris didn't go nearly far enough. He forgot the other crypto-krauts hand-picked for the Bush administration:

Vice Kommandant Richthofen Scheney

Herr Colin Powellschlaus

Fraulein Kondoleischa Reich

Posted by: Russell at June 22, 2003 08:50 AM

HAHAHAHA 8^) That has got to be the *best* two sentence full Fisking I've ever read!

Posted by: rc at June 22, 2003 10:08 AM

Now who is it exactly that's driving American foriegn policy?

Texas oil-men?

A Jewish cabal?

The German-American Bund?

Those of us scoring at home are getting awfully confused.

Posted by: David Crawford at June 22, 2003 10:42 AM

It's the German Texas Jewish cabal. Also, they're Trotskyist Straussians. And hideous space reptiles. Does that clear everything up?

Posted by: scott h. at June 22, 2003 12:26 PM

It has been claimed that 10% of Australians are of German descent. Even Australia's 3rd Prime Minister was a box head.

Posted by: Mike Hunt at June 22, 2003 01:02 PM

Herr Parris ist obviously a knockwurst.

Posted by: Cracker Barrel Philosopher at June 22, 2003 02:02 PM

More Germans immigrated here than Irish? Really?

I'm a liberal but even I can see that "my side" has gone [i]insaaaaaaaaaaane[/i].

Posted by: linden at June 22, 2003 03:11 PM

Mr. Parris seems to have forgoten a tiny piece of history, prior to World War 1, the current Royal Family's name was Saxe-Coburg und Gotha wonder what heritage that might be. Parris ought to look up his own family tree might be a knockwurst or two up there.

Posted by: Okie 1 at June 22, 2003 03:37 PM

Mr. Parris seems to have forgoten a tiny piece of history, prior to World War 1, the current Royal Family's name was Saxe-Coburg und Gotha wonder what heritage that might be. Parris ought to look up his own family tree might be a knockwurst or two up there.

Posted by: Okie 1 at June 22, 2003 03:37 PM

Mr. Parris seems to have forgoten a tiny piece of history, prior to World War 1, the current Royal Family's name was Saxe-Coburg und Gotha wonder what heritage that might be. Parris ought to look up his own family tree might be a knockwurst or two up there.

Posted by: Okie 1 at June 22, 2003 03:38 PM

It's true.

Note the main cuisine: the Hamburger. And what's Chrysler? It's Mercedes Benz! And that name Woody Allen doesn't fool me at all.

Posted by: The at June 22, 2003 06:38 PM

The Vast Germanic Conspiracy is everywhere you know.

Posted by: Herr Von Wickstein at June 22, 2003 07:47 PM

I'm going to go out on a limb and defend Matthew Parris. In his article, he did not suggest there was some kind of German mafia who were creating a new third reich or anything remotely close to that. he simply made the point that over a long period, the large proportion of germans in America have assimilated and in doing so assimilated many German values into Amerian culture. I think this is true.

I live in london, and have a German friend here who has also lived in the US. He feels much more at home in the US. He cannot stand the disorganised, ad hoc ways of the UK. He likes the more blunt approach of Americans. He likes their work ethic. These are all German traits, and it is in no way racist to say so. I disagree with Matthew Parris on the war, but his basic proposition that Amerca has been heavily influened by German immigration is sound.

By the way, reference to the Saxe Coburgs etc doesnt really wash. The royal family is not Britain. Certainly the germanic and Anglo Saxon cultures are related, but you hace to go back more than a thousand years for any large scale intermixing of the peoples, and therefore it is far more tenuous.

Posted by: Matthew Robinson at June 22, 2003 10:07 PM

Damn, it seems the ancient English penchant for Germanophobia is once again officially hip. But I'm still left scratching my head -- Parris implies that it's okay to not fear Germans from Germany because they're in the EU, but it's appropriate to fear/mistrust American Germans because they have apparently silently taken over the US and are threatening the world with some innate Bismarckian need for order and sentimentality? Whahunh?

Posted by: Herr Flynn (1/4 Bavarian) at June 22, 2003 10:38 PM

Herr Flynn

I think you word that Matthew Parris 'implies' is prescient. He doesnt actually say that. It is actually quite a subtle piece. You can read different things into it. I happen to think Parris is right about the German influence in America, and that it has largely been positive.

Posted by: Matthew Robinson at June 22, 2003 10:49 PM

Herr Flynn

I think your word that Matthew Parris 'implies' is prescient. He doesnt actually say that. It is actually quite a subtle piece. You can read different things into it. I happen to think Parris is right about the German influence in America, and that it has largely been positive.

Posted by: Matthew Robinson at June 22, 2003 10:49 PM

Mr. Robinson:

It is indeed a rather subtle article; but somehow I don't think Parris' referencing of Rumsfeld and Strauss as notable German-Americans is meant to give readers the warm and fuzzies. Ditto for the article's tone that the UK needs to pull back the ethnic curtain of the US and see us not as allied kin but as the spawn of an age-old enemy. Seems to me to be an attempt to discredit the ethnic angle of the US/UK "special relationship."

Also -- and on a somewhat unrelated point -- Parris is overgeneralizing "German" traits (whether good or bad) to the extreme. The traits he ascribes to Germans as a whole could be better defined as the traits particular to one faction of Germans: the Prussians. The same passion for rigid order and control are much less prevalent among the more laid-back regional groups like the decadent Saxons or my own redneck-ish Bavarian ancestors.

Of course, Parris may know perfectly well that his cold-blooded, efficient, hard-working Prussian spin is much more effective at chilling one's spine and driving the point home than a more general look at the whole of "German-ness". After all, no one fears beer-swilling Bavarians unless they've got an aversion to lederhosen. ;-)

Posted by: Herr Flynn at June 22, 2003 11:43 PM

i agree, herr flynn. i would only add that something else this 'subtle' schmear does is to tie firmly into the great zionist conspiracy kampf:

"After the Holocaust, it may be tactless to mention the flowering in the New World of the union between the German and the Jewish traditions, but the fruits have been extraordinary and America has been the beneficiary. The energy and genius of this small community has earned it an influence beyond its numbers."

show der vürld that you're a schmarty
kome und join herr bush's party...
(with apologies to mel brooks...)

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at June 23, 2003 02:31 AM

Golly, he hit it square, didn't he? Why, just look: Kennedy, Kerry, Bulger, Rodham/Clinton, Edwards - good German names all!

Or "To Beinart’s list I would add the work ethic and energy — never something that the British Establishment has been sure it wholly admired." Yep, we know that from our own past of work-ethic promulgators - Adams, Franklin, Williams, Gwinnet, and those others who started by - gasp! - petitioning for their rights as Englishmen! How dare they!

"The New England aristocracies are pushed aside." Well, when the Cabots and Lowells had a falling-out... Hey there boyo, it may be nice that great-grandpa did good things, but that no longer is considered to think you are a superior being: and that is not a Bismarckian attitude at all, at all.

- - - -

Matthew Robinson: is "...the reincarnation of our former European enemy..." explicit enough for you?

Posted by: John Anderson at June 23, 2003 06:37 AM

Fear the Bavarians!!! Our well-crafted vehicles and tasty fermented beverages will drive the world in capitalistic warmongering chaos!!!

Posted by: B at June 23, 2003 09:44 AM

News just to hand: we're all Africans. They've got the bones to prove it.

Posted by: The at June 23, 2003 10:25 AM

I saw this article before it went "subscription only" and my mouth just about dropped open. But then, the smear-America campaign in the British press is so virulent I really shouldn't be surprised it has reached even center-right Times.

Where I live in the US you can find Chinese people with German names and German people with Chinese names. After so many generations of being a melting pot there are hardly any Americans around who are all one ethnic thing or another.

In addition to being utterly off the mark (Anglo-Saxon Protestants remain THE major influential ethnic group in the US, as they have been for nearly 300 years), Parris shows his extreme ignorance by declaring the two Presidents Roosevelt examples of influential "German-Americans."

Everybody knows the Roosevelts were Dutch, not German. They were descended from the old Dutch aristocracy that settled in New York when it was still called "Nieuw Amsterdam." This is a commonly known fact in the US -- kind of like knowing that Abraham Lincoln grew up in a log cabin and George Washington had bad dentures and JFK's father was really, really rich.

During WWII the Germans put out propaganda which claimed that FDR was really a German Jew whose real name was "Rosenfeldt." One wonders exactly what sources Parris was looking at when he wrote this article.

Posted by: Susan at June 23, 2003 11:17 AM

I would love to see the reaction if Herr Paris had written an article in a similar vein about the influence of African-Americans on American culture and then had proceeded to draw parallels between Congo and Zimbabwe on one hand and Iraq and Afghanistan on the other.

Posted by: Anticipatory Retaliation at June 23, 2003 04:06 PM