May 29, 2003

$51,000 GAY JEEBUS

Education is neither a right nor a privilege nor, these days, an education:

Jesus Christ was gay because of the position of the planets at the time of his birth, a Brisbane academic says.

Rollan McCleary, who was awarded his doctorate today from the University of Queensland, also believes one and possibly three of Jesus's disciples were also gay.

Dr McCleary, who will launch a book on his findings next month, said today he based his opinions on St John's gospel and on Christ's astrological chart based around the date, place and time he was born.

The SMH’s report doesn’t include that Dr McCleary’s “findings” cost taxpayers $51,000. Maybe he needs the money to pay for healthcare after this tragic nude barbecue incident:

At 3pm on Sunday, 1st December, three protesters gathered to enjoy a nude barbecue under a shady tree in the Westfield picnic area at the northern end of Fairfield's Yarra Bend Park in Melbourne. Their peaceful act of civil disobedience served as a protest against the fact that it is a crime to be naked in public in Victoria. Two of the protesters, Rollan McCleary and Tony Pitman, stripped naked. The third man, Gary, remained clothed, but gave his support to the principle of the protest.

The tranquility of their afternoon picnic was shattered 15 minutes later, when about seven men approached the protesters bearing large pieces of wood. The men had broken away from a group of about 50 people attending a reunion of Italian "Alpini" (former soldiers who served in the "Alpini" division of the Italian army) who were having a barbecue about 80 metres away. Suddenly they launched a violent and frenzied assault on Rollan and Tony, first smashing the barbecue to send burning heat beads flying everywhere, then bashing the two naked men with pieces of wood as well as pieces of the broken barbecue. They also set about smashing the men's personal belongings, including a $4,000 video camera. The three protesters fled in terror and called the police once they had reached a safe distance.

How come astrologer McCleary wasn’t able to predict this? The stars tell him Jesus was gay, but don’t inform him of his impending beating. Some stars. More details of McCleary’s controversial discovery may be found here, along with shocking details of precisely which planet McCleary associates with the birth of Our Lord.

Posted by Tim Blair at May 29, 2003 11:58 PM

It's lucky those Alpinis weren't in the vicnity of any Brisbane Easts Rugby Union celebrations where sudden outbreaks of nudity were common place a few years back. The biffo would have spectacular.

Posted by: AndyM at May 30, 2003 at 12:48 AM

Let's try that again...

It's lucky those Alpinis weren't in the vicnity of any celebrations at Brisbane Easts Rugby Union a few years back where sudden outbreaks of nudity were a common occurrence. The biffo would have been spectacular.

Posted by: AndyM at May 30, 2003 at 12:51 AM

"Heat beads"????

Posted by: Bashir Gemayel at May 30, 2003 at 01:52 AM

I thought Queensland was named for the Queen. Shows you what a dumba$$ Yank I am.

Posted by: JohnO at May 30, 2003 at 02:37 AM

This is a real article, right? There isn't some sort of subtle parody going on here, right? Normally, I wouldn't ask, but I can't -believe- that the last line of that Herald Sun article was anything but deliberate...

Posted by: Moe Lane at May 30, 2003 at 02:41 AM

I don't subscribe to either religion, but are astrology and Christianity even compatible? Isn't there a conflict between the star's influence on us and God's will? If so, why would someone who believes the astrology religion care about Jesus? And why would a Christian care what some astrologer priest has to say?

Posted by: Tim Shell at May 30, 2003 at 08:45 AM

This is one of a million reasons why I feel an intense desire to go back in the closet and bang my head against the backboard.

Posted by: Craig Ranapia at May 30, 2003 at 09:04 AM

Craig R.- have just looked at the `Astro-Theology' website. I, too, shall bang my head against a brick wall.Universities are descending into superstition , belief in magic, such that soon we shall see metallurgy ditched for the much more productive and recommended method of producing gold and many other metals, alchemy.

Posted by: d at May 30, 2003 at 11:55 AM

Funnily enough, I understand that the good doctor has pinpointed his astrological calculations on the date of 25 December - which as any halfway decent bible scholar can tell you, has an exactly 1 in 365 chance of being the actual date of Jesus' birthday.

Good research, buddy.

Posted by: dan at May 30, 2003 at 12:03 PM

Trouble is dan, any half wit can arrive at a reasonable suggestion - just read a few books.McCleary's nonsense is also ciruclar: a confirms b, b confirms a and he aslo claims: a produces b and b produces a- that is not the stuff of even good everyday reasoning,let alone university level work - unless, of course, someone is like Bob Brown and the greens, femonazis, political coreectness police and other ratbags.

Posted by: d at May 30, 2003 at 12:08 PM

Well, as a poof Tim, I found that post of yours - pretty damn funny actually. Apart from being sick and tired of money being wasted of pseudo-academics getting junk degrees, (I recently attended a friend's graduation and was stunned at the puerile rubbish that passed for doctoral theses), I'm also tired of the absolute lack of repect these people show for others. Public spaces by their very nature involve constaints one what you can do, because other people have to use them as well. OK, apparently a statement of the bloody obvious, but lost on pretentious and self-obsessed wankers like McCleary.

Go the Alpini I say!

Posted by: Garth Godsman at May 30, 2003 at 12:30 PM

It gives a new meaning to Psalm 23: "Thy rod and thy staff shall comfort me."

Posted by: Angela Bell at May 30, 2003 at 01:28 PM

I think you omitted the funniest lines:

"People haven't taken [people who say Jesus was gay] very seriously because they don't have any evidence and they say things so sensationally that people are not really going to listen or just be very angry," Dr McCleary told ABC radio. "What I'm doing is showing a much more theological and also astrological dimension on all this which will make a lot more sense to people."

He has evidence?

Posted by: Preston Whip at May 30, 2003 at 01:38 PM

I note that Hazard Press is publishing Rollan McCleary's book. Mmmm. Other titles in the HP stable include (and I'm not making this up):

Chocolate Therapy: Dare to Discover your Inner Centre.

Golf Without Guilt (The German Traslation).

Baa Tending: The Beginner’s Guide to Keeping Sheep [Well, it *is* a New Zealand company].

This isn't your top tier academic publisher. See:

Posted by: Preston Whip at May 30, 2003 at 01:51 PM

Then Jesus said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan!"

-- Matthew 16:23

Posted by: Indole Ring at May 30, 2003 at 01:56 PM

My dissertation "proved" that Jesus was Hispanic...He had a Puerto Rican name ("Hay-sus")


Thank you.

Posted by: JDB at May 30, 2003 at 02:10 PM

Just as puerile as McLeary is the University of Queensland - what a pathetic excuse for a institution awarding doctorates. Budding students take note, would you want a devalued degree from UQ?

Posted by: Siltstone at May 30, 2003 at 10:25 PM

Ugh. I can't believe this moron is in the same city as me. I'll save my own head and just bang HIS into a brick wall... It'd be more satisfying.

Posted by: Marty at May 31, 2003 at 12:00 AM

He decided Jesus was gay after calculating Christ's chart?
Excuse me, but in my apostate days I was into astrology, and this is impossible. No one knows the date (25-12-00? 25-3-6 BC? ).
You would need more than the date: you'd need the hour, to calculate what house Venus was in.

But maybe this gentleman managed to channel Mary thru a psychic and get the date and time...

Posted by: Nancy Reyes at June 1, 2003 at 03:15 PM

I'm planning a bio of Jesus too witch will suit every cause known to man of the last 20 years.

Jesus was a cool guy who'd read KarlMarx and was getting it right until he was killed. He wrote a might socialist economic thesis demonstrating his intellectual genius, the sermon on the mount.
He identified with everyone becuase while having wrote the brilliant thesis he was nonethless dumbed down and had an IQ of 85. He was legless, and so experienced much descrimination compounded by realising he was a woman and had a sex change operation which didn't quite take-his new bits fell off.
He realised he was black and appreciated all civilastion originated in deepest Africa.

He was kind to worms and in that love discovered he was a greenie.

He liked prostitutes because they were an alternative family, showed us all how to be different.

He blamed the rich for all his defects, claiming he was discriminated against. Only if herod waved his magic wand would there be social justice and empowerment. Herod didn't listen because underneath it all he was part of the military-capitalist pig complex.
Jesus had a nervous breakdown. Herod only put him, out of his misery.
He shucked oysters for breakfast on Wednesdays.

The proofs are the magical Horoscope, and conclusive proofs devised by femmo-nazi theologians and lenin, Che-guverra and Castro. There. Now I just have to write it all up, collect my $60,0000 and the Phd. Blimme, I have just written it up, I want my $60000 pronto.

Posted by: d at June 2, 2003 at 11:35 AM

What a load of twaddle. McCleary is promoting a gay agenda, and incidentally wasting valuable university funds. Whoever awarded this degree have rocks in their heads. This is what I call a junk degree. It does nothing for the reputation of the University of Queensland and its examiners. McCleary comes to this conclusion by studying Jesus'astrological chart! Go back to your books Mr McCleary!

Posted by: Franca Bopf at June 8, 2003 at 12:37 PM