April 30, 2003

JOURNALISM 101, with guest lecturer

JOURNALISM 101, with guest lecturer Dr. Malcolm Bollard, a recognised expert*:

"Hello, students! Selective use of vernacular terminology is an easy way to add some 'zing' to dull copy. Allow me to demonstrate, using this dismal article as a starting point.

"Now read on as I improve the article by deftly replacing a few of the more boring phrases with colourful everyday words and such. The key is to not go overboard - in fact, unless you pay close attention, you may not notice any changes at all!"

NORTHAMPTON - Smith College students earlier this month made a decision some might find mystifying: Although Smith is a skirt college, the chicks voted to change the language of their student constitution so that the pronouns "she" and "her" would be replaced with dickless, unbreasted terms.

The student government vote is an indication of a deeper issue facing Smith College, and other girl-on-girl institutions, which is that a growing number of students identify themselves as she-males, and say they feel uncomfortable with hot femme pronouns.

"Smith College is a college for broads, and within that there is a place for all kinds of ass," said Brenda Allen, director of institutional diversity.

In addition to the issue of gender identity, within the girly-man movement there is also the matter of sex-reassignment surgery, formerly known as "marrying Liza Minelli".

"See? See how with a bare minimum of alterations that terrible article has suddenly become Pulitzer material? See?"

*Dr. Malcolm Bollard is the world's foremost authority.

(Link via Tonguetied.)

Posted by Tim Blair at April 30, 2003 03:13 AM