April 27, 2003

OH, this is great. It's

OH, this is great. It's 5am, Iíve just finished working on a column, and now I'm under spider attack. A huntsman spider about the span of a child's hand has just skittered across the ceiling above me.

Go get Spider Death Gas. Remind self of relative Tim-spider mass difference. Stop spidey panic.

UPDATE. Gassed and death-bound, my nemesis seeks shelter behind the owl portrait on the wall opposite.

UPDATE UPDATE. And ... then ... it ... reappears ... on ... the ... stairway .. next ... to ... my ... desk ...

UPDATE 3. More death gas. Where is air support? I called in air support, dammit!

UPDATE 4. A thought: What if stairway spider isn't owl portrait spider? What if ... there are more than one?

What if I pass out, say, five seconds from now?

UPDATE 5. The monster, having lunged towards me in a crazed bid for matyrdom, has fallen to the stairs below. He's twitching with resentment. And I am trapped! He's claimed the crucial stair exit point.

To hell with gas. I need a book.

UPDATE 6. May I recommend Media Virus by Douglas Rushkoff? It is beautifully balanced, aerodynamically sound, and lands with murderous accuracy when launched from my third-floor home office. The stairway is liberated. Now I sleep.

Posted by Tim Blair at April 27, 2003 05:07 AM